A lighter take on this week's news

A Tory MP by the name of Andrew Bridgen has asked the head of the National Crime Agency to start an Inquiry to investigate how 'Teflon' Keith Vaz, Labour MP, has amassed the considerable wealth that he has.

Alledgedly, Mr Vaz has eight houses in the UK worth a few million pounds and some property in India as well. A little baffling, considering he earns around £74,000/- a year as an MP.

Intriguing, I agree but just as intriguing is how he could afford his other 'expense' - his rent boys. Perhaps that expenditure was funded by 'Jim' from the bonuses he received from selling all those washing machines.

Amidst women coming together and supporting each other in a bid to affect change in the behaviour of powerful men towards them, there are some women who, through good fortune, may not have had such encounters and who now feel obliged to pass on  'safety tips' to their sisters.

Recently Joanna Lumley came up with this gem (I am paraphrasing), if your gut tells you not to go to his hotel room, then don't.

She should be getting paid for such invaluable advice. She should also be paid double if her advice includes a tip for 'him' - if your gut (or any other part of your anatomy) tells you that you want more than just the drink you are inviting her for, then don't.

At the BAFTA Awards ceremony this evening, majority of the women wore black in support of the #metoo and time'sup campaigns, with one exception - Kate Middleton. She wore a green dress.

Apparently, it is in keeping with Royal Protocol to not align with any public protest. And here I thought Kate and William were a modern couple.

She is a tall lady, so I am not sure how recent happenings have gone over her head but it appears to have done so, as Miranda Hart gave this advise to people on Valentine's Day, 'Go to work and hug all you colleagues'(!). 

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the news

Apparently, Prince Harry has decided to invite his 'difficult' Aunt to his wedding to Meghan Markle. Now, you might wonder who the difficult aunt is.

It is not Princess Ann although her dour expression may lead you to believe so. It could not be the Countess of Wessex - her RBF is too pleasant.

So, that just leaves 'Solid Rock' Sarah Ferguson. I am sure she will behave herself, although someone should make sure she doesn't give an impromptu toast.

It will turn the celebrations into a snooze fest as she rattles on about guiding tributaries gently to their final destinations.

You know how we sometimes shut our eyes and envision something extraordinary happening to us? Then we open our eyes and reality sinks in and we carry on with our regular, unremarkable lives.

Well, a couple in Florida shut their eyes and envisioned themselves sailing on a boat around the world. Unfortunately for them, when they opened their eyes, there was no accompanying reality.

They sold all their worldly belongings, bought themselves a boat, spent a small fortune renovating it and set sail. They neglected to take into account one minor detail - neither of them knew how to sail.

Unsurprisingly, within 24 hours, their boat and their dream, sank. They now have to pay another fortune to salvage the boat.

I have two words to say to anyone who wants to take a sailing trip around the world but does not know how to sail - Cruise Ship. Board one and stay safe.


When a third Sex and the City movie was being considered, Kim Cattrall did us all a favour and declined to do it. This resulted in Sarah Jessica Parker suggesting that she was a diva.

Kim promptly had a diva fit and said that none of the ladies had ever been friends. SJP was immensely hurt by this and so began a feud.

Recently, Kim's brother passed away and she announced his death on social media. SJP sent her condolences and they flew right back at her with words like hypocrite and exploiting thrown in.

These two are no spring chickens and were certainly not born in the age of social media, so it is very surprising that they should have such an open feud on it, particularly, considering the tragic circumstances.

Maybe they are going by the adage 'there's no such thing as bad publicity'. That may be true but there is such a thing as poor taste ladies.

When Kim and Kanye named their first child North, I just assumed the ones that followed were 'direction' names as well. Apparently, according to Kim, North is the best, so she did not want to make her other children feel any less special by calling them East or South.

Hence, the one that followed North was called Saint (because he is a blessing). Fair enough, but why name the third one after a pizza?

Until next week, try and keep it light!

  

A lighter take on the weekly news

If you have been a Spice Girls' fan, you may need to sit down when you read this - the Spice Girls are having a reunion! (If you are not a spice girls' fan, I congratulate you on your good taste).

Anyway, they are apparently being paid 10 million each for the said reunion.

While the other 'girls' are probably gargling their vocal chords with  Himalayan salt water and hiring voice coaches, Posh has poutily pondered and come up with a classic proviso to her contract - she will do it as long as she doesn't have to sing.

The promoters were probably weak with relief - I am sure they had no intention of letting her 'sing' in the first place. 

I have always (I confess for all of 5 seconds) wondered why, except for 'Ginger', none of the other girls' names were actual spices.

Now that they are mature, I think they should keep it real and rename themselves appropriately - which is what they should have done in the first place.

'Baby' should be Mustard (seed) spice, Scary should be 'Star Anise' spice (a tiny pinch packs a punch), Sporty should be 'Nutmeg' spice (a little goes a long way) and if Ginger fancies a change, she could be 'Turmeric' spice.

That just leaves good old 'Posh'. With her constant bland expression, I can't come up with an appropriate spice name, so we'll just have to settle for  'Pouty LipSync' spice. 

A made up spice for a made up singer. 

While Oprah Winfrey won many fans with her female empowering speech at the Golden Globes, she failed to win over our very own Ann Robinson. 

Ann has said that she 'loathes' Oprah. A very strong word from one strong woman to another - yay for sisterhood.

To cut a short story even shorter, Ann and her daughter appeared on the Oprah show back when Ann (and her quiz show) were relevant.

There also happened to be another 'Mother and Daughter' combo at the show,  who  did not get along and apparently Oprah worked her magic and they worked their 'problems' out (on the show).

However, according to Ann, after the show, she and her daughter shared a taxi with the said mother and daughter, who came to blows in the shared taxi. 'Where was Oprah then?' asks Ann.

To state the obvious, not in the taxi. But guess who was there? The  Queen of Mean. All she (Ann) had to do was shout 'you are the weakest links' and kick them out of the cab. Instead she cowered in a corner. 

So who really is the weakest link? 

If it makes Ann feel any better, I am sure Oprah, with all her meditation and mindfulness,  doesn't loathe her back. I doubt she even remembers her. Don't take offence Ann, wink, wink!

I have to say that the cockles of my heart are warmed and  I feel so honoured that this is the 'Year of the Woman'. But in the words of that very influential modern day woman, Beyonce, 'Question' - what happens at the end of the year?

Do things go back to the way they were? Because a year cannot possibly right the wrongs that a lot women have endured.

If you really want to level the playing field, how about calling it the 'Millennium of the Woman'. That will be a start.

On her recent visit to China, Theresa May was informed that the Chinese people affectionately called her 'Auntie May'. Apparently she was flattered to be considered a family member.

Sorry Tay May but I have always called my aunts by their first name, as in 'Auntie Dorothy'; not Auntie Smith, or Auntie Fernandes. 

Also, I don't remember David Cameron being called 'Uncle Cameron' when he visited China as PM.  Once again, I rest my case for the 'Millennium of the Woman'.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter take on this week's news

It may surprise you to know that despite all his success as a tennis champion, Boris Becker is in debt. In a bid to clear said debt, he has decided to sell off some of his trophies.

Unfortunately, there is a minor, inconvenient detail - BB can't remember where he's kept them. Perhaps he should check the broom closet. He has found delightful surprises in there before.

Emmanuel Macron he is not, but Donald Trump gave charm and flattery a good try recently while on the phone to Theresa May. Apparently, he told her,'You could be this generation's Churchill.'

I am not sure what brought on that comparison. Perhaps he'd just seen a screening of 'Darkest Hour'. I hope Tay May was sitting when she took the call.

Someone should be on stand-by to remind her of the dangers of smoking, lest she  takes to cigars.

Talking of flattering things people say, Sarah Ferguson paid this rather strange tribute to herself, just before her daughter Eugenie announced her impending marriage this year.

"The river flows well to its destiny because of the guidance of a solid rock." If you do say so yourself, Solid Rock.

I came across a rather curious picture on Instagram of  Ed Balls, sandwiched  between two blondes, labelled as Trumpettes. Curious to find out what or who a Trumpette was - I was having a slow day and missed the obvious inference - I clicked on the link.

I discovered that they are female Trump campaigners. You will be relieved to know that Mr Balls has not converted to being a Trumpet (I am assuming that's what male campaigners are called) but was there to do a  documentary for the BBC.

Considering he is an ex-politician, one might be forgiven if one assumed that he was at Donald Trump's Florida resort rubbing shoulders (among other things) with Trumpettes, to document Trump's first year in office. One would be wrong.

The 'documentary' is 'Ed Balls - My Deep South Road Trip'. Judging by the picture, one can imagine  how 'deep' this documentary will be. More like 'Balls having a Ball at Tax Payers' expense.'

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the news

You may not have heard of Jo Marney before - blissfully, neither had I. You may now wish that you had never heard of her - regrettably, so do I. 

If you are one of the lucky few who hasn't heard of her and are asking yourself, in the parlance of the young, 'who that?' Let me enlighten you.

'That' is the  25 year old (now) ex-girlfriend of the 54 year old leader of the UKIP party, Henry Bolton. Why is she relevant? She isn't. However, she did say some rather nasty things about Meghan Markle and black people in general.

She tried to defend herself and her vitriolic comments by saying that they were taken 'out of context'. Someone needs to tell her that there is no wiggle room when you write racist texts. 

The intent and meaning is very clear, or, in language she understands, very black and white.

I am surprised her superior brain did not work that out before she came up with the lame and ridiculous 'out of context' excuse. Personally, I think she is, to use the parlance of the young  yet again, 'well jel'.

After all, Sparkle Markle got herself a younger, handsome prince and Barmy Marney got herself an older leader of a party that is no longer relevant. And now she doesn't even have that. 

As they say, 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all'. Simple yet wise. Thank you to whoever 'they' are. I am also extremely vexed that, despite my best efforts, I now know the name of the leader of the UKIP party.

Moving on to more pleasant happenings, the modern day saviour of the European world, visited Britain. Emmanuel Macron paid us a visit and immediately performed a miracle.

He got Theresa May to look relaxed and smile, showing shades of her strong and stable days. But then he does have a way with older women. 

You may be aware that Gwyneth Paltrow is soon to be permanently coupled with Brad Falchuk. In anticipation of their coupling, she sported an engagement ring at the Producer's Guild Awards.

Now, I expected to see entwined jute encircling her finger, imitations of which would be sold on Goop for £500/-. I was  disappointment to see her sporting a huge coloured rock. 

Nevertheless, we still wish Palfal lots of luck, not that they need it. According to Gwynnie, at this juncture in their lives they will 'use their collective successes and failures as building blocks to a happy and healthy relationship'. 

Now I know how she came up with the name 'Goop' for her online magazine - she speaks a lot of it.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter take on the news

Apparently, Donald Trump forgot the words to the American national anthem. Midway through singing the Star Spangled Banner, he appeared to stop and mumble along. In other words, he did a Mariah Carey.

Some people expressed concern that he may be in the early stages of dementia. I express concern that he is in the latter stages of 'never knew the words in the first place.'

Never mind, I don't think you need to know the words to the national anthem to make a country great again.

In the meanwhile, Oprah Winfrey gave a rousing and inspirational speech at the Golden Globes this week. Now, pre-Donald Trump, this speech would've gotten the praise it deserves. A few die hard Oprah fans may have called for her to run for President and they would've been shouted down by everyone else, possibly, even Ms. Winfrey.

Post-Trump, she appears to be doing a lightening bolt towards the White House, with Vice-President Deepak Chopra and Chief of Staff, Gayle King following close behind at her heels.  A black woman taking over from him? Someone hand Trump a covffe before he faints from the shock!

Perhaps Seal felt the  need for some attention because he decided to jump in, mouth first. He called Oprah 'sanctimonious' and said that she was part of the problem. Mmmm a man deciding to accuse a woman of a problem caused by (some) men. Should've kept your lips sealed, Seal.

Theresa May optimistically decided to have a reshuffle of her cabinet. Not the wooden one in her living room, although she probably would've had better luck there. 

She made the decision to move Justine Greening from Education to Work and Pensions and Justine Greening made the decision to quit. So no reshuffling there. She also decided Jeremy Hunt wasn't good for Health (who can blame her) and wanted to make him Business secretary. 

The Hunt thought for all of  ten seconds before deciding he was very happy where he was, so thank you but no thank you. He wasn't going to be reshuffled. 

Funny how the woman who did not want to be reshuffled, had to quit but the man who did not want to be reshuffled, got to stay. Someone needs to get Ms Winfrey across post haste, to give one of her inspiring speeches, with a front row seat reserved for Tay May.

According to Liam Gallagher, his brother Noel is desperate for an Oasis reunion but Noel's wife will not allow it. Possibly because she knows that there are only so many times Phoenix can rise from the ashes.

Liam thinks that Noel is keen to play in big stadiums (or stadia, if you prefer) but that is only possible when he, Liam,  is around, as only his presence fills out these stadiums. Actually, it is Liam who doesn't have a choice -  he has to play in huge stadiums - no other venue can accommodate  his ego.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the news

It's a brand new year but  some of the stuff that's been happening since we rang in the new year, is the same old nonsense. Take for example the resignation of a chef by the name of Laura Goodman.

Ms. Goodman hurt the sentiments of vegans all over the planet, after she claimed to have 'spiked' a vegan's pizza with mozzarella. 

She made this exaggerated claim in a Facebook group called 'The Boring Group.'

Now I can think of two reasons why she did this. Firstly, she did not quite know the meaning of the word 'spike'. Secondly, she was trying to inject some fun into 'The Boring Group'.

The air was filled with methane as vegans snorted in disgust. Tree hugging, peace loving, animal caring, animal products caring, animal by-products caring vegans united together, not just to denounce her actions but some were so incensed, they issued death threats.

I am not sure if there is any research to back this, but I wonder if not eating meat, fish, dairy etc. makes one's skin a bit thin. Either that or they did not bother to find out what actually took place. 

Apparently, although Ms. Goodman had thoughtfully planned a vegan menu for the group of diners, this vegan diner chose pizza with mozzarella on it.  It was ordered by the person who ate it, who for all you know, may have been having a weak non-vegan moment (not unlike vegetarians and their 'bacon sarnie' moment). 

I remember on a night out, a lady (loosely speaking) who called herself vegetarian, ordering a tuna salad. Now, when it comes to food, I don't really have a filter, so I asked her about it (very politely, I might add). 

She calmly told me that she is a vegetarian who eats fish! When I suggested (no filter, remember?) that she should call herself Pescetarian (taking care once again to be polite), she said that she did not want to sound pretentious. I gave up.  

Anyway, I don't think Ms. Goodman will make the mistake of exaggerating in the near future. On a different note, I wonder if she is related to Len Goodman. I bet he'll be pickling his walnuts with irritation, if she is. Not that the vegans will mind - nuts are fine apparently.

Isn't it nice when experience teaches us a lesson? Even pop divas apparently can learn a lesson or two. After last year's New Year's Eve debacle in New York, Mariah Carey decided to do things differently this year.

She decided to actually show up in her own physical glory for the sound check before the show. Unlike last year, no stand-in was dispatched to do the honours. The result? A lovely, delightful performance.

Lest we think any less of her, a diva moment was to be had, by way of her stopping the show to demand hot tea. No hot tea was forthcoming, so she carried on nonetheless, like the 'Hero' she is. Well done Mimi - bodes well for 2018.

Donald Trump's ex Chief Strategist, Steve Bannon, has written a book. In it, he has made accusations against Donald Jnr., as well as Trump's son-in-law and the Russians. A little bit of a yawn in my opinion.

But guess who has not been introduced to the concept of 'there's no such thing as bad publicity'. Wading right in and offering free publicity by the bucket load,  Mr. Trump, among other things, has said (and I paraphrase) 'now that he is on his own, Steve Bannon realises that success is not as easy as I make it out to be'.

Hmmmm.... can't argue with him there, particularly as he is making such a huge contribution to the success of the book.

When you are flying, can you think of anything worse than the Pilot being distracted over residual bits of a spousal dispute?Unfortunately, over 200 passengers and crew on a Jet Airways flight from Heathrow to Mumbai, can vouch for something far worse. A domestic dispute in the cockpit!

Two pilots who were a 'couple' had a domestic, in which he allegedly slapped her. She dashed out of the cockpit, sobbing and the crew did their best to persuade her to go back but she wouldn't.

In the meanwhile, the co-pilot - otherwise known as the 'slapper'- tried to coax her back, to no avail. So he decided to leave the cockpit to personally use his obvious  'charm' to get her to go back into the cockpit. 

Eventually, they both returned and the plane landed safely in Mumbai. Bollywood meets Telenovela!

Until next time, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at 2017!

I can hardly believe a whole year has passed and we are once again bracing ourselves to ring in another year. Now the year has not been perfect. No year ever is. But Mariah Carey didn’t set us off to a good start with her performance or, should I say non-performance, at last year’s New Year’s Eve in New York.

Mimi smiled vacantly, interspersed with some mumbling. I wonder if she has reached a point in her ‘diva’ journey where she genuinely thinks just gracing the stage with her presence is enough.

Not an opinion shared by her backing dancers though. Oblivious to the fact that not a single note was being sung by the main star, they busted their dance moves as if Mims was in full volume.

Apparently, she is being given another chance this year. Watch this space……..

In June this year, Theresa ‘the Gambler’ May shot herself in her designer clad, strong and stable foot by calling for an election and has since been limping along with a ConDup party.

To give Tay May credit, her refrain still stays the same, ‘Brexit means Brexit’. I have one question to ask, ‘What else could it mean?’

Even if we carry on in the European Union, Brexit would still mean Brexit. It couldn’t possibly mean anything else. Just like bs still means bs.

I have a New Year’s resolution suggestion for Tay May. No more ditties. No more ‘Strong and Stable’. No more ‘Brexit means Brexit’. Just suck on your birthday present lozenge (thank you Mr. Hammond) and give your voice a much needed  rest.

Remember all those years ago when there was a suspicion that Iraq hoarded weapons of mass destruction? A war was fought on that presumption.

Well, now there is a small hand hovering over a button and one push of said button by said small hand, could unleash mass destruction. Where is Tony Blair when you need him?

All I can say is, if there ever is a threat that the hand will descend on the button, I hope Melania is around. As we have seen, she is an expert in swatting her husband's hand away.

My favourite photo this year is of the Trumps posing with Pope Francis. Ivanka and Melania were dressed as if they were attending a funeral, with expressions to match.

Pope Francis had a look that suggested that for the first time he regretted taking up the position of Pontiff because it obliged him to meet with the man to his right. Undeterred by all the gloom around him, the man to his right grinned delightedly, like a cat who ate all the potica. Pictorial gold.

In a 1998 world cup football match, the proverbial red mist descended on David Beckham, resulting in him kicking an opposing Argentinian footballer and then being made to literally see red by way of a card brandished by the referee.

Well, all these years later, there was a similar descending of red mist when the Honours List was announced and Mr. Beckham was to stay just that -Mister Beckham. In other words, no Sir, not this time.

He unleashed furious, four lettered emails, which unfortunately for him, later got leaked.Here I was thinking that he did all those charitable works because he realised/appreciated his good fortune. After all, not everyone with good-but-not-great talent gets to be so lucky.

Not that I blame him. He must have already planned his next tattoo in honour of his knighthood - 'Sir Golden Balls' perhaps?

Victoria probably designed her gown in anticipation and spent ages practising her slightly delighted pout. How terribly, terribly disappointing not to be rewarded after all that effort.

Never mind David, you will always have King Arthur and your role as Trigger the Knight. No one can take that away from you...no matter how hard you try!

.If you ever do anything remotely embarrassing, I have a remedy that is guaranteed to make you feel better. Just watch the Warren Beatty/ Faye Dunaway cock up at this year’s Oscars.

Mr Beatty wasn’t sure what to do and like a drowning man, he decided to take his co-presenter down with him, by handing her the card to read the ‘Best Picture’ award. Without missing a beat, Runaway Dunaway read the wrong film and the rest is Oscars’ history.

Finally, I would like to end my last blog of the year, featuring Gemma Collins in a ‘Should’ve gone to Specsavers’ moment.

Here's wishing everyone who is reading this, A Very Happy New Year!! May 2018 be filled with lots of light moments for all of us!!

It's a rant!!!

A new high (or should I say low) in the commercialisation of Christmas - toilet paper with images of Christmas trees on them. Not just  drab Christmas trees but each tree adorned with a star at the top. 

Really??? Do the manufacturers of these toilet rolls not know what their product is used for? Or maybe it's just their way of wishing us a Crappy Christmas. Rant over. 

A lighter take on the news

Poor Amir Khan! He must realise that he missed his true calling. I know he is a great boxer and has won many accolades, trophies and medals as one, but I reckon he could literally give Usain Bolt a run for his money.

During his challenge in 'I’m a Celeb.', he put in his hand (through a hole in the wall) and pulled out a snake! Now, if a ‘hand’ was called a ‘rake’ or indeed a ‘snake’ was called a ‘snand’, we would have a marvellous modern day nursery rhyme.

Alas (doing my best for the word), a hand is a hand and a snake is a snake. So, no nursery rhyme glory for me. Little Jack Horner must be giddy with relief.

Anyway, going back to Britain’s boxer turned sprinter, Amir was, impressively, able to multi task, shouting, ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’, at the same time as sprinting the hell out of there.

When the celebrity and his poor minion (Toff who was bitten to within an inch of her life) were out, the men, Ant, ‘a very small man’ Dec and Lightening Khan, proceeded to chat, while poor Toff jumped around as if she had ants in her pants. Well, come to think of it,  she probably did.

Someone on Gogglebox called him a ‘big girls’ blouse’. Whatever happened to the word ‘sissy’? At least the word ‘sissy’ doesn’t end up offending big girls and blouses. How dare anyone suggest that blouses (irrespective of the size of the wearer) are inferior to shirts.

The Patriarch of the Johnson family appears to be having a marvellous vacation in the jungle. Unsurprisingly, he appears to be exempt from most challenges, so a stress free time is being had by Stan the Man.

If you listen to Boris and you listen to Pater Johnson, you might think that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But I refuse to call Boris an apple - I actually like apples. So, ‘A chip of the old block’ will have to do. Or, considering who we are talking about, a big chunk of the old block is probably more appropriate.

Apparently, Robert Mugabe wishes to be forgiven. I am surprised that he actually hasn’t demanded that he be forgiven.

I know he is 93 years old but surely he hasn’t forgotten the two words that usually precede a request for forgiveness - ‘mea culpa’. I suspect every wingless creature will take flight before that happens.

I am still recovering from watching Debbie McGee’s Argentine Tango. If only Shirley Ballas had not impulsively and prematurely handed over her invisible ‘Latin Queen’ crown to Debbie for her Charleston, last night would have been the perfect time to do so.

However, she did enthuse about Debbie’s balance. Apparently, the balance of Ballas is not as good as the balance of McGee. That was the balanced view of Ballas.

Now, I don’t want to offend Susan’s army of fans (since I do not have an army of readers, I think I am safe) but she, or should I say her fans, are getting on my last nerve.

‘She is what the show is about’ they rave. ‘She is improving every week’, they gush. ‘She is so entertaining’, they proclaim.

Well, if Susan is what the show is about and everyone danced like her, trust me, I would probably stop watching it. In fact, I would not have started watching it in the first place.

As for her ‘improving’ every week, sorry, guys but Specsavers beckons, just to make sure you don’t need to change the prescription on your rose tinted glasses.

To give Susan her due, she does learn her routine thoroughly and shows no nerves as she proceeds to march through her steps with army like precision.

The one thing I do agree with, is that she is entertaining. Not so much on the dance floor as in the ‘Clauditorium’.  When she is in the ‘Clauditorium’, I play a game that is the opposite to ‘Where's Wally’.

‘Where's Susan’ requires no effort. All you need to do is predict where she will appear every time someone appears to block her, because appear she does - just where is the challenge!

I have found it hugely entertaining and on the remote chance she gets voted out this week, I shall miss playing ‘Finding Susan’. Alas, it’s too late to have it in the shops by Christmas. My retirement will just have to wait.

Until next year, try and keep it light!

No, I did not make a mistake,  I am taking a break from the ‘Lighter news’. At least, that is the plan, although I may  just do a Susan and pop up from time to time!

If I don’t, have a decadent December (let’s be honest, we all do) and I will try my best to sharpen my feathered pen for 2018.

A lighter take on the news

Apparently, Donald Trump was quite the statesman when he toured Asia recently. That is, until his dear friend Kimmy decided to call him an 'old lunatic'. 

Hell hath no fury than the Donald scorned. How dare Kimmy call him old! In Mr. T's world, what can be chronologically proven, is apparently considered fake news but what is debatable, like being called a lunatic (although, in this case, not a lot of debate would be required I would imagine), is okay.

Anyway, the Presidential thumbs got busy and a counter insult was issued by way of a tweet. Mr T. said that he would never call Kimmy 'short and fat', thereby, calling him short and fat! Calling each other lunatics and fat .... I would imagine if the term 'takes one to know one' wasn't coined yet, it certainly would now. 

Theresa May seems to have found the key to successful Brexit talks. Her smile! Yes, it appears to be something as simple as a Tay May smile. Michel Barnier looked positively mesmerised as he sat opposite to her. 

The more she smiled - she even threw in an occasional beam - the more he appeared to acquiesce. Just as well they were sitting down, otherwise he 'may' have gone week in the knees.

At least, that is my take on it. I watched it for a bit on TV but didn't listen to any of it. No, May's hypnotic smile didn't cast a spell on me. The weather outside was depressing enough and seeing the PM smile after such a long time, gave me hope. False hope, most likely, but hope nonetheless.

Boris Johnson has at last apologised to Nazanin's family for his blunder. One would now hope that he keeps a low profile. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that there aren't other Johnsons lurking about.

Papa Johnson is all set to appear in 'I am a celebrity, get me out of here.' How about, 'I am not a celebrity, don't get me in here'.

Remember Michael Gove? Former Education Minister, then Brexiteer, who tried to back stab Bobo Johnson to become Prime Minister? Fittingly, neither got to be PM.

Looking at him, one would think even an archaeologist would be hard pressed to find a single humourous bone in his body and one would think right.

In an interview with Radio 4, he likened being interviewed by John Humphrys, to walking into Harvey Weinstein's bedroom. Stick to back stabbing your colleagues Mr Gove - it's far less insulting and when BJ is at the receiving end, it may even be a tiny bit funny.

Last Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing was very enjoyable. Perhaps it's because none of the judges worshipped at the altar of Debbie McGee. They did still fawn but I can't imagine them ever not fawning over Ms McGee.

I suspect she could turn up in a sack and roly-poly around the dance floor and Shirley would say, 'I have travelled the world and seen top professional dancers  but I have never seen such graceful roly- polying with such amazing musicality and timing', before brandishing a 10!

Anton du Beke and Ruth were voted out. Quite rightly, I should think, although Anton did miss a trick. I have a feeling it was his wardrobe that kept them in all this time.

So, when they did their foxtrot, Ruth did do her bit by trotting for England but Anton did not do anything gimmicky with his wardrobe (this time). A foxes' outfit might have done the trick.  Sadly (I am being kind) Ruth, Anton and his wardrobe are out of Strictly.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the weekly news

During Theresa May and Angela Merkel's recent verbal cha cha cha-ing (apologies for the mental picture this might paint but if you want to go further and add short, sequinned skirts, I won't judge), otherwise known as Brexit talks, I bet Mrs May thought that things could not possibly get any worse for her. Well, as it happens, things got even more messy for Tessy.

Her Deputy resigned on allegations of sexual misconduct and there are a few more who may follow him. Add to that the blundering boob that is Boris and you might wonder how long she and her party can cling on to power.

After all, the DUP part of the CONDUP party make up just 10 MPs. What will happen if more than 10 MPs are forced to leave the Conservative party?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. So, perhaps a coalition of the Conservatives, Lib Dems (been there, done that and Nick Clegg is wearing the tee shirt) and the SNP?

Now, I confess to not knowing much about the DUP. I know that they are led by a handsome woman (google her name if you care) but by and large she has been fairly quiet.

Can you imagine if the Conservatives form a coalition with the Lib Dems and the SNP? Braveheart Sturgeon will give new meaning to the word 'vociferous'.

Man of the people, Jeremy Corbyn - our modern day JC, decided to appear on a TV show of the people, albeit for charity. He appeared on Gogglebox and got very excited when a 'History' question was asked during University Challenge.

He moved to the very edge of the sofa, rolled up his sleeves, listened intently to the question.... and came up with the wrong answer. Oh my! He doesn't walk on water after all. The Corbynistas must be devasted.

I am beginning to suspect that Paul Daniels appears to be practising magic from beyond the grave. That is the only explanation I have for the strange behaviour of the Strictly judges.

Last week, Head Judge, Shirley Ballas, bestowed her invisible Latin Queen Crown on Debbie McGee and last Saturday, Craig behaved in a manner I would only reserve for God, if he appeared to me.

After Debbie and Giovanni finished their tango, when it was Craig’s turn to comment, he stood up and, and in a trance-like manner, walked to Debbie and sank to his knees, rocking back and forth with his arms outstretched. Poor Giovanni went in for a hug before realising that it was Debbie who was being lauded.

What can we expect this evening? Darcy to hand over her Prima Ballerina title to Debbie or for Bruno to genuflect and cross himself in front of her?

Someone needs to remind the judges that there is a reason why they are given paddles with numbers on them. Use them to show your appreciation. That is all  we ask - not your cringeworthy, OTT, physical demonstrations.

I thought that Anton's flamingo pink wardrobe for this Samba with Ruth was about as funny as it was going to get. I was wrong. His flared trousers for his Paso Doble were something to behold. He could probably harbour a herd of bulls in them.

He then proceeded to stumble and fall at the end of their routine, taking Ruth with him. Not that she appeared to mind. She gleefully jumped on him and proceeded to straddle him. Tut, tut BBC (and Ruth), it's a family show.

That's the problem with live shows. No editing. I would give good money to have that particular scene edited out. On second thoughts, maybe not. After all, I pay my licence fee.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

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