A lighter look at Strictly Come Dancing

I can hardly believe that in a couple of hours, the Strictly Final will be upon us. It has gone in the blink of an eye or perhaps more aptly, in the  sweep of Bruno Tonioli's arm.

Who can forget (much as they'd like to) the tangoing tangerines that were Susannah and Anton. They gave Donald Trump a run for his money in the orange department.

When Anton appeared and disappeared from the folds of here huge frilly skirt, shaking his maracas like a demented cuckoo, we all knew that he'd been paired with a no-hoper and was, as usual, resorting to the comedic effect to keep them in.

My guess is that people are either tired of this ploy or that Suzzanna, not being Ann Widdecombe (thank heavens for small mercies), it misfired. Whatever the reason, they maraced their way out of SCD.

This is Strictly Come Dancing's 16th season and it has gone from strength to strength. I think it is because it follows a formula - the contestants appear to fall broadly into 2 categories - novices with no dance experience and singers or show biz luvvies, most of whom have had some sort of dance training.

Some of the novices find themselves part of a comedy duo, (particularly if they are partnered with Anton) and some discover that they have a bit of rhythm and dance ability, which sets them off on a 'journey'.

Those with dance training get better, with varying degrees of success.

Their success sometimes has very little to do with how well they perform but more to do with how the public perceive them.

For example, previously, contestant Jay was a trained dancer. But dee dums how the women loved him. He sailed into the finals and despite not having the guts to repeat his best dance (the iconic C'est la vie Jive) he won the glitter ball.

Fast forward to this series. Two of the four finalists are trained dancers. For some reason Faye has not received the harsh treatment meted out to poor Ashley.

She lost her father six months ago and has had a hard year, so she entered Strictly. 

Unfortunately, some of the 'public' have taken the opportunity to vent unbelievable hatred and vitriolic comments against her because she is a 'trained' dancer (I am willing to bet these include the same people who voted for Jay to win).

I do miss the first few seasons when Strictly was popular but not huge and social media was almost non-existent - it kept the acid finger tipped idiots from crawling out from under their rocks.

I know this part is not very 'light' but I can't stand the terrible comments and behaviour of some people.

Strictly is meant to be light entertainment and if every contestant was a novice, no matter how much glitter or how many sequins you threw at it, it would be beige and boring.

Another thing that gets on my wick (thank you Len) is when a novice does reasonably well and people call it a 'journey'.

A novice doing well deserves admiration, a round or two of applause or even the glitter ball (Ore, Chris Hollins...). It is however not a 'journey'.

Shaving your head and trekking the Himalayas to test your physical endurance, while searching for your soul, is a journey. Learning to dance on Strictly is not.

The four judges have also had their high (and low) lights this year. Shirley as usual has her favourites. This year she took a particular shine to Joe Sugg and invited him for a cuddle on a couple of occasions after his dance.

Not that I am cynical, but perhaps she is hoping that by embracing Joe, some of his 5 million followers will embrace her as well.

All I will say is, would Len have gotten away with targeting and hugging a young female contestant? I don't think so. 

As if that wasn't enough, she posted a video on Instagram, of her stepping out of a shower cubicle in a negligee and proceeding to do the cha cha cha with a rotisserie chicken from Tesco (I recognised the bag).

It's only a matter of time before Tesco approaches her with a lucrative advertising contract or perhaps she will become the face of Nandos (I am tempted to say KFC but no one can replace the Colonel).

True to form, Bruno has been exuberant and has been flinging '10's with gay abandon like a best man flinging confetti at his good friend's wedding.

Classy Darcey, as always, manages to stay neutral like all good judges should. 

Craig managed to p**s Kevin off, so  well done him. Kevin's diatribe against Craig on It Takes Two, was sulky, silly and entitled. He doesn't seem to complain when his fairy godmother Shirley favours him. 

I am now going to stop to watch the finals. I will be back with some final thoughts.

Well, what do you know, King Kev reigns!!!! Somehow, although he reiterated many times how he wanted to win it for Stacey, he completely abandoned her when the results were announced.

He melted into a puddle on the floor and then was carried aloft on the shoulders of his peers, while poor Stacey was lost somewhere in the crowd.

Fortunately, she had the glitter ball to keep her company.

I heard that Joe's fans/followers are in a state of shock and are having meltdowns on social media.

Well, they did forecast a sprinkling of snow(flakes) this evening, melting upon impact!

Lesson in life - just because you want it, doesn't mean that you get it.....unless you are Kevin Clifton 😏.

Until next September, try and keep it light and keeeeep dancing!

A lighter look at the news

You know the question, 'how do you know a person is vegan?' and the answer -  'they tell you five minutes after you meet them?' Well, I beg to differ.

I differ because it does not take me five minutes, and frankly, I am surprised that it takes anyone that long. Usually you can see them coming a mile away, head and shoulders above the rest of humanity, floating on their moral high ground, halos intact.

Now, I don't wish to stereotype any group of people but for some reason, I presumed that vegans would perhaps lack a sense of humour (or should I say, a funny bone).

Turns out, I was wrong. Recently, they petitioned a village in Dorset called 'Wool', to change the name of said village to 'Vegan Wool'. 

Now don't be embarrassed if you haven't heard of 'Vegan Wool' - not too many people have. 

However, because their cup runneth over with concern for all of God's creatures, big and small, they have also volunteered to give each household in the village a blanket made out of hemp, cotton or banana bark (bet you hadn't heard of that either).

I don't envy the Woolites (soon to be Vegan Woolites). However are they going to make their minds up with the choice on offer?

'Will hemp be a bit scratchy?' they might ask themselves. Or,  'Cotton may be smooth but will it be warm enough?' And, most importantly, 'what the hell is banana bark?' 

This could well be a slippery slope to further demands. They may well wish us to ask Baa Baa Black Sheep if it has any Vegan Wool.

As if Baa Baa and co. doing look confused enough most of the time, we are going to perplex them even further.

A few weeks back there appeared to be a chink of light at the end of the long, dark Brexit tunnel. It has taken such a long time for that chink to appear but tragically, it may or may not last - the operative word being 'May' - who like the light,  may or may not last.

Personally, I blame the whole sorry saga on the person who came up with the name Brexit. At the time, I said that it sounded like a remedy for constipation. I was wrong.

It turned out to be more like a cause for constipation - the longest and most painful one in history. And, we all know what prolonged constipation can result in - piles.

I am going to resist the temptation to name those piles after the sterling men and women involved in the Brexit talks. After all,  I am no Boris Johnson.

Mind you, if I was, he would have the honour of the first one being named after him (if one dishes it out, one has to be able to take it Mr. J).

Until next week, try and keep it light!