Weekly news - rave or rant?
No sooner had the two Korean leaders clasped hands (no ordinary clasping of hands but full on entwined fingers) and had given each other coy sideways glances, then some deluded people started whispering the 'N' word and Donald Trump in the same breadth.
Yes, there were suggestions that Trump could possibly be bestowed with the Nobel Peace prize. I am sure he blushed a deeper shade of orange when he heard that.
However, Trump being Trump, he couldn't help himself. He withdrew the USA from the hard fought Iran Nuclear Deal and has, I am assuming, put paid to his chances of getting the Nobel Peace Prize (if he had a chance in the first place).
However, all is not lost. In view of the Golden Shower rumours, he could still get the not-so-Noble Piss Prize.
Back in April, Tom Markle Jnr., Meghan's big brother, was so incensed at not receiving an invite to the Royal Wedding, he dipped his pen in poisoned ink, and fired off a spiteful little open letter to Prince Harry.
He said some pretty awful things about his sister and proceeded to urge Harry to call off the wedding as it would be 'the biggest mistake in Royal Wedding History'.
That letter achieved a few things but calling off the wedding wasn't one of them. It did achieve an understanding as to why she did not invite her siblings in the first place.
Mission unaccomplished, Tom Markle Jnr. decided to change tack. This time, the pen was dipped into ink overflowing with remorse and sycophancy, not to mention pleading.
Pleeeeease, pleeeeease Meghan, may we come to your wedding? Pleeeeeease, we're the only family you have. (You may have guessed that I am para phrasing).
Well, you may be the only family she has, but a family with no loyalty is worse than no family at all. Besides, she has Harry now.
Good luck to them next Saturday.
Until next week, try and keep it light!
Apparently, Prince Harry has decided to invite his 'difficult' Aunt to his wedding to Meghan Markle. Now, you might wonder who the difficult aunt is.
It is not Princess Ann although her dour expression may lead you to believe so. It could not be the Countess of Wessex - her RBF is too pleasant.
So, that just leaves 'Solid Rock' Sarah Ferguson. I am sure she will behave herself, although someone should make sure she doesn't give an impromptu toast.
It will turn the celebrations into a snooze fest as she rattles on about guiding tributaries gently to their final destinations.
You know how we sometimes shut our eyes and envision something extraordinary happening to us? Then we open our eyes and reality sinks in and we carry on with our regular, unremarkable lives.
Well, a couple in Florida shut their eyes and envisioned themselves sailing on a boat around the world. Unfortunately for them, when they opened their eyes, there was no accompanying reality.
They sold all their worldly belongings, bought themselves a boat, spent a small fortune renovating it and set sail. They neglected to take into account one minor detail - neither of them knew how to sail.
Unsurprisingly, within 24 hours, their boat and their dream, sank. They now have to pay another fortune to salvage the boat.
I have two words to say to anyone who wants to take a sailing trip around the world but does not know how to sail - Cruise Ship. Board one and stay safe.
When a third Sex and the City movie was being considered, Kim Cattrall did us all a favour and declined to do it. This resulted in Sarah Jessica Parker suggesting that she was a diva.
Kim promptly had a diva fit and said that none of the ladies had ever been friends. SJP was immensely hurt by this and so began a feud.
Recently, Kim's brother passed away and she announced his death on social media. SJP sent her condolences and they flew right back at her with words like hypocrite and exploiting thrown in.
These two are no spring chickens and were certainly not born in the age of social media, so it is very surprising that they should have such an open feud on it, particularly, considering the tragic circumstances.
Maybe they are going by the adage 'there's no such thing as bad publicity'. That may be true but there is such a thing as poor taste ladies.
When Kim and Kanye named their first child North, I just assumed the ones that followed were 'direction' names as well. Apparently, according to Kim, North is the best, so she did not want to make her other children feel any less special by calling them East or South.
Hence, the one that followed North was called Saint (because he is a blessing). Fair enough, but why name the third one after a pizza?
Until next week, try and keep it light!
