A lighter take on the weekly news

If you have been a Spice Girls' fan, you may need to sit down when you read this - the Spice Girls are having a reunion! (If you are not a spice girls' fan, I congratulate you on your good taste).

Anyway, they are apparently being paid 10 million each for the said reunion.

While the other 'girls' are probably gargling their vocal chords with  Himalayan salt water and hiring voice coaches, Posh has poutily pondered and come up with a classic proviso to her contract - she will do it as long as she doesn't have to sing.

The promoters were probably weak with relief - I am sure they had no intention of letting her 'sing' in the first place. 

I have always (I confess for all of 5 seconds) wondered why, except for 'Ginger', none of the other girls' names were actual spices.

Now that they are mature, I think they should keep it real and rename themselves appropriately - which is what they should have done in the first place.

'Baby' should be Mustard (seed) spice, Scary should be 'Star Anise' spice (a tiny pinch packs a punch), Sporty should be 'Nutmeg' spice (a little goes a long way) and if Ginger fancies a change, she could be 'Turmeric' spice.

That just leaves good old 'Posh'. With her constant bland expression, I can't come up with an appropriate spice name, so we'll just have to settle for  'Pouty LipSync' spice. 

A made up spice for a made up singer. 

While Oprah Winfrey won many fans with her female empowering speech at the Golden Globes, she failed to win over our very own Ann Robinson. 

Ann has said that she 'loathes' Oprah. A very strong word from one strong woman to another - yay for sisterhood.

To cut a short story even shorter, Ann and her daughter appeared on the Oprah show back when Ann (and her quiz show) were relevant.

There also happened to be another 'Mother and Daughter' combo at the show,  who  did not get along and apparently Oprah worked her magic and they worked their 'problems' out (on the show).

However, according to Ann, after the show, she and her daughter shared a taxi with the said mother and daughter, who came to blows in the shared taxi. 'Where was Oprah then?' asks Ann.

To state the obvious, not in the taxi. But guess who was there? The  Queen of Mean. All she (Ann) had to do was shout 'you are the weakest links' and kick them out of the cab. Instead she cowered in a corner. 

So who really is the weakest link? 

If it makes Ann feel any better, I am sure Oprah, with all her meditation and mindfulness,  doesn't loathe her back. I doubt she even remembers her. Don't take offence Ann, wink, wink!

I have to say that the cockles of my heart are warmed and  I feel so honoured that this is the 'Year of the Woman'. But in the words of that very influential modern day woman, Beyonce, 'Question' - what happens at the end of the year?

Do things go back to the way they were? Because a year cannot possibly right the wrongs that a lot women have endured.

If you really want to level the playing field, how about calling it the 'Millennium of the Woman'. That will be a start.

On her recent visit to China, Theresa May was informed that the Chinese people affectionately called her 'Auntie May'. Apparently she was flattered to be considered a family member.

Sorry Tay May but I have always called my aunts by their first name, as in 'Auntie Dorothy'; not Auntie Smith, or Auntie Fernandes. 

Also, I don't remember David Cameron being called 'Uncle Cameron' when he visited China as PM.  Once again, I rest my case for the 'Millennium of the Woman'.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter take on the news

Apparently, Donald Trump forgot the words to the American national anthem. Midway through singing the Star Spangled Banner, he appeared to stop and mumble along. In other words, he did a Mariah Carey.

Some people expressed concern that he may be in the early stages of dementia. I express concern that he is in the latter stages of 'never knew the words in the first place.'

Never mind, I don't think you need to know the words to the national anthem to make a country great again.

In the meanwhile, Oprah Winfrey gave a rousing and inspirational speech at the Golden Globes this week. Now, pre-Donald Trump, this speech would've gotten the praise it deserves. A few die hard Oprah fans may have called for her to run for President and they would've been shouted down by everyone else, possibly, even Ms. Winfrey.

Post-Trump, she appears to be doing a lightening bolt towards the White House, with Vice-President Deepak Chopra and Chief of Staff, Gayle King following close behind at her heels.  A black woman taking over from him? Someone hand Trump a covffe before he faints from the shock!

Perhaps Seal felt the  need for some attention because he decided to jump in, mouth first. He called Oprah 'sanctimonious' and said that she was part of the problem. Mmmm a man deciding to accuse a woman of a problem caused by (some) men. Should've kept your lips sealed, Seal.

Theresa May optimistically decided to have a reshuffle of her cabinet. Not the wooden one in her living room, although she probably would've had better luck there. 

She made the decision to move Justine Greening from Education to Work and Pensions and Justine Greening made the decision to quit. So no reshuffling there. She also decided Jeremy Hunt wasn't good for Health (who can blame her) and wanted to make him Business secretary. 

The Hunt thought for all of  ten seconds before deciding he was very happy where he was, so thank you but no thank you. He wasn't going to be reshuffled. 

Funny how the woman who did not want to be reshuffled, had to quit but the man who did not want to be reshuffled, got to stay. Someone needs to get Ms Winfrey across post haste, to give one of her inspiring speeches, with a front row seat reserved for Tay May.

According to Liam Gallagher, his brother Noel is desperate for an Oasis reunion but Noel's wife will not allow it. Possibly because she knows that there are only so many times Phoenix can rise from the ashes.

Liam thinks that Noel is keen to play in big stadiums (or stadia, if you prefer) but that is only possible when he, Liam,  is around, as only his presence fills out these stadiums. Actually, it is Liam who doesn't have a choice -  he has to play in huge stadiums - no other venue can accommodate  his ego.

Until next week, try and keep it light!