A lighter take on the news

                                                         

I find statues fascinating. In my blog last week, I mentioned the woman who optimistically suggested that Michael Jackson's Ape, 'Bubbles' painting, could create a conversation. I firmly begged to differ. Rather than paintings by apes, I would say that statues (chiselled by human hands) could start a conversation.

Sometimes the conversation a statue starts is positive, sometimes it is negative and sometimes there is no conversation at all, just action. Who can forget the chappal smacking Saddam Hussein's statue got, after it was dramatically brought down.

A controversial statue usually begs the question, 'to keep or not to keep?' If that is the case, either way there are no winners. So, if there is a statue somewhere that annoys the hell out of you, don't start an ulcer inducing petition. I have the perfect answer - 'special' bird feed.

The recipe would entail mixing roughly crushed bran cereal and finely chopped prunes. Bring it altogether with a drop or two of detoxifying castor oil. Feed the birds within the  vicinity of the statue, stand back (under an umbrella) and watch the fun. 

The only drawback is, if it isn't raining and you are pointing at a statue and laughing, people will probably think you are odd. But trust me, it will be worth it. 

If you have more money than sense, I would suggest that you do two things. First of all, contact me - I could do with a sponsor for my blog.  Secondly, you might like to try the special ice cream cones sold at a prestigious store in London. I don't want to name the store but all I will say is that I don't think they 'sell fridges'.

Anyway, this store sells ice cream cones for £99:00! No, I did not press too hard on the number '9' key. It really costs ninety nine pounds. Apparently, one of its unique selling points (or, justification-for-the-price, points) is that it comes with a chocolate flake coated in gold. 

Now, imagine if you buy this cone and you walk out of the store and someone bumps into you and the cone falls to the ground.
Worse still, imagine if there is a statue nearby that causes you immense vexation.

Now, I know I am asking you to stretch your imagination to surreal lengths, but imagine if a bird (freshly detoxified) swoops down and picks the gold plated chocolate flake, consumes it and perches on the head of the aforementioned statue.

It may result on a crown of shimmering, golden glory being bestowed on your much despised statue. So, if you have more money than sense, take the better of the two options and sponsor my blog! 

While on the topic of statues, a man in Goa was arrested for desecrating crosses and other religious statues mainly in cemeteries. I looked it up and I have to say, I have never in all my years (not saying how many) seen someone charged with a crime, so delighted with himself.

He appeared to gleefully re-enact his crimes for the police, almost as if it was scripted. The alleged perpetrator's name? Francis Pereira. A conveniently Goan, not to mention Catholic, name. Goa apparently now has a patron saint as well as a sinner bearing the name 'Francis'.

There is widespread suspicion that he is not the perpetrator of this crime. The reason being that some of the damage done would take the strength of more than one man.

Well, to be fair, he could emulate the biblical strength of Samson (before Delilah tried her hand at hairdressing). However, the Catholic church in Goa is having none of it. 

Their fact finding committee scrutinised and analysed the incidents in great detail and have found flaws. They have now asked for a probe by the Special Investigation Team (SIT) under the supervision of the High Court or the Supreme Court. Fingers 'crossed' justice will be served.

Finally, I would like to applaud Sam Carter. In the parlance of 16 to 18 year olds, you may well ask, 'Who that?' Truth be told, until six days ago, I didn't know who that was either. Well, let me enlighten you. He is the lead singer in a band called the Architects.

That is not the reason why I want to applaud him. The reason is that he stopped and ranted at a 'groper' at his concert. He later tweeted, 'there is no room for this at any kind of show.' Well done Mr Carter, your mother should be very proud.

Until next week, try and keep it light.

                   

A take, lighter or otherwise, on this week's news

I wonder how Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala managed to get into Oxford University?! Only kidding - well done her - much deserved. She has more courage, intelligence and education (will have even more after she is done with her Oxford education), than those half wits who tried to stop her.

I wonder if my advice was heeded and the White House had a revolving door installed at its entrance. If so, I do hope it spun with dizzying speed when Steve Bannon was ushered out.

Now you may think this is my cue to talk about Charlottesville. Well, you will be wrong. Why? Because words fail me (please don’t look for flying pigs). They really do fail me.

All I will say is, when a group of marching white supremacists  chant, ‘jews will not replace us,’ and there is a fatality on the opposite side, and the democratically elected leader of that nation responds with, ‘the blame lies on both sides’, it beggars belief. And personally, when a situation calls for belief to be beggared, I am rendered speechless.

I sometimes think that British politics is too beige. But when I see the orange politics across the pond, I say thank you to the colour beige.

I am anything but speechless in what I am about to write now. I am not going to be ‘light’, I am going to rant. Yesterday at around 8 o’clock in the morning, my family and I were in the middle lane of the motorway - not having a picnic, that would be plain stupid - ( and I promised not to be ‘light’!) but driving towards London.

Anyway, I noticed a car in the fast lane, move to our lane quite hurriedly, to let the car behind it speed past. ‘Idiot’, I thought to myself. No sooner had my brain processed that justifiable observation, then another car in the fast lane - an Audi TT - sped past us at an even greater speed. ‘Another idiot’, my brain thought, rapidly joining in the speed fest.

And then my mind and the minds of all the motorists and passengers I am sure, froze at the ghastly sight of the Audi TT spinning uncontrollably across the motorway in front of us. We watched in horror as the car did a bizarre version of a spinning tea cup on a fun fair ride, wondering if it or any other braking car, was going to start a pile up. Through sheer chance and luck, it finally hit the barrier on the opposite side, did a final spin and stopped on the hard shoulder, smoke billowing from the bonnet.

The driver appeared shaken, though unharmed. Had I known what was to unfold, ‘idiot’ would not be my choice of word to describe this fool. If the outcome had been different, can you imagine the number of lives he would have affected?

It is one thing when incidents occur that are beyond our control. But to make a conscious decision to speed recklessly on the motorway (or any other road), is to irresponsibly endanger lives.

It is a testament to the goodness of people, that a lot of cars whose drivers and passengers were subjected to the terrifying experience caused by this driver, stopped to help the man. I hope he, along with other 'speed kings', realise that 'Speed Kills' is not just a cliche.

On August the 15th, India celebrated its Independence day. I remember the annual celebrations well.  Lots of marching and lots of pride - rightly so. What I don’t remember, ever, is having a moment’s silence to reflect on innocent lives lost in the bloodbath that followed Independence in 1947.

While it is commendable to stay in the present and look with hope to the future, I think reflecting on the past and learning from it, is equally important, lest history repeats itself.

I sometimes wonder what I’ll do when I retire.  Bore all of you with more blogs I suspect. Apparently,  Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s playful Ape companion, who is now retired and living in a sanctuary, has taken up painting. These paintings were recently put up for auction.

A person from the sanctuary suggested that these paintings could ‘create conversation’. If I see one of Bubbles’ paintings gracing the walls of any of my friends’ homes, it will create a conversation alright. A two worded one - ‘you’re bananas!’

If I were to describe Las Ramblas in Barcelona, I would say ‘cosmopolitan’, ‘colourful’, ‘vibrant’.... the list is endless. Now I would add two more words to describe this extremely popular place and its inhabitants - ‘defiant’ and ‘brave’.

Until next week, stay safe.

Lighter take on the news

I flatter myself in thinking that perhaps some of you noticed that I haven't posted 'lighter news' for a couple of weeks. Well, I was away on a cruise holiday and access to the internet was so expensive, I would have had to sell an organ for me to afford to write my blog (I am talking about my anatomy, not a musical instrument). 

In my last blog before departing on my holiday, I'd written about the then communications chief in the US, Sean Spicer, being replaced by Anthony Scaramucchi. I did wonder how long he would last. I said, and I quote, 'time will tell'. Well, it appears time did speak and my holiday lasted longer than Mr. S did in the White House. Apparently, DT decided to 'front stab' his pal from the 'hood.

That, I suppose, is what happens when a reality star is chosen to be President - you get a Soap Opera. I can think of a few titles - 'Orange is the new White', 'Fifty shades of Orange', 'All the President's Folk'... the list is endless.

I have a suggestion for some renovation work to the entrance of the White House. How about revolving doors? To give it a lighter touch and detract from the grimness of the situation, perhaps there could be a carnival carousel type tune/song playing, something along the lines ......

'In out, in out, shake yourself about.

You do the Trumpy, Trumpy, turn around,

Now march yourself right out!'

Also, while I was away, the documentary on Princess Diana, 'In her own words' was aired. At the time,  I didn't have too much of an opinion one way or the other - might have been the heatwave that was engulfing most of Europe - since it is unusual for me to not have an opinion. 

However, it was being discussed on a programme yesterday, and one of the panellists mentioned that she thought it was fair, since Camilla Parker Bowles had a biography released that gave a rather negative image of Diana.

I checked Ms. CBP's biography. Now don't be silly and assume that I actually spent money buying her biography. Thanks to the internet, I got to read large excerpts from it. So, to the people decrying the 'In her own words' documentary on the assumption that it would hurt Princess Diana's sons, I would think their stepmother's biography, authorised or not, would do as much, if not more, damage to her memory.

The dead can't speak or defend themselves but when, as is the case here, they leave vocal documentation of their feelings and emotions, perhaps some sort of balance is restored. 

It is the month of August, when most politicians take a much undeserved break, except for two leaders with dodgy hairstyles, flexing their political muscle. All we can hope and pray is that one doesn't call the other's bluff. 

Until next week, try and keep it light!