A lighter look at 2017!

I can hardly believe a whole year has passed and we are once again bracing ourselves to ring in another year. Now the year has not been perfect. No year ever is. But Mariah Carey didn’t set us off to a good start with her performance or, should I say non-performance, at last year’s New Year’s Eve in New York.

Mimi smiled vacantly, interspersed with some mumbling. I wonder if she has reached a point in her ‘diva’ journey where she genuinely thinks just gracing the stage with her presence is enough.

Not an opinion shared by her backing dancers though. Oblivious to the fact that not a single note was being sung by the main star, they busted their dance moves as if Mims was in full volume.

Apparently, she is being given another chance this year. Watch this space……..

In June this year, Theresa ‘the Gambler’ May shot herself in her designer clad, strong and stable foot by calling for an election and has since been limping along with a ConDup party.

To give Tay May credit, her refrain still stays the same, ‘Brexit means Brexit’. I have one question to ask, ‘What else could it mean?’

Even if we carry on in the European Union, Brexit would still mean Brexit. It couldn’t possibly mean anything else. Just like bs still means bs.

I have a New Year’s resolution suggestion for Tay May. No more ditties. No more ‘Strong and Stable’. No more ‘Brexit means Brexit’. Just suck on your birthday present lozenge (thank you Mr. Hammond) and give your voice a much needed  rest.

Remember all those years ago when there was a suspicion that Iraq hoarded weapons of mass destruction? A war was fought on that presumption.

Well, now there is a small hand hovering over a button and one push of said button by said small hand, could unleash mass destruction. Where is Tony Blair when you need him?

All I can say is, if there ever is a threat that the hand will descend on the button, I hope Melania is around. As we have seen, she is an expert in swatting her husband's hand away.

My favourite photo this year is of the Trumps posing with Pope Francis. Ivanka and Melania were dressed as if they were attending a funeral, with expressions to match.

Pope Francis had a look that suggested that for the first time he regretted taking up the position of Pontiff because it obliged him to meet with the man to his right. Undeterred by all the gloom around him, the man to his right grinned delightedly, like a cat who ate all the potica. Pictorial gold.

In a 1998 world cup football match, the proverbial red mist descended on David Beckham, resulting in him kicking an opposing Argentinian footballer and then being made to literally see red by way of a card brandished by the referee.

Well, all these years later, there was a similar descending of red mist when the Honours List was announced and Mr. Beckham was to stay just that -Mister Beckham. In other words, no Sir, not this time.

He unleashed furious, four lettered emails, which unfortunately for him, later got leaked.Here I was thinking that he did all those charitable works because he realised/appreciated his good fortune. After all, not everyone with good-but-not-great talent gets to be so lucky.

Not that I blame him. He must have already planned his next tattoo in honour of his knighthood - 'Sir Golden Balls' perhaps?

Victoria probably designed her gown in anticipation and spent ages practising her slightly delighted pout. How terribly, terribly disappointing not to be rewarded after all that effort.

Never mind David, you will always have King Arthur and your role as Trigger the Knight. No one can take that away from you...no matter how hard you try!

.If you ever do anything remotely embarrassing, I have a remedy that is guaranteed to make you feel better. Just watch the Warren Beatty/ Faye Dunaway cock up at this year’s Oscars.

Mr Beatty wasn’t sure what to do and like a drowning man, he decided to take his co-presenter down with him, by handing her the card to read the ‘Best Picture’ award. Without missing a beat, Runaway Dunaway read the wrong film and the rest is Oscars’ history.

Finally, I would like to end my last blog of the year, featuring Gemma Collins in a ‘Should’ve gone to Specsavers’ moment.

Here's wishing everyone who is reading this, A Very Happy New Year!! May 2018 be filled with lots of light moments for all of us!!