Weekly news - rave or rant?
The Royal Wedding has come and gone. Everyone and their Uncle, Aunt and distant cousin has had their say. Even yours truly gave her two cents worth in her previous blog (under valuing, she knows - what can she say? She's modest).
You'll be relieved to know, that I am now going to stop speaking/writing in the third person.
Moving on, however, seems to be difficult for a certain sister of the bride. The Markle who doesn't sparkle appears to have shifted her attention from Meghan to Meghan's mother.
Samantha Markle has had the gall to suggest that Doria Ragland is cashing in on her daughter, by agreeing to an interview with Oprah Winfrey.
First of all, I think someone is suffering from an acute case of sour grapes, as Ms Winfrey hasn't asked her for an interview (as if she would).
Second of all, someone needs to tell Ms Sour Grapes that Ms Winfrey hardly needs to pay people to interview them. Being interviewed by her is reward enough.
I am quite sure, if and when, this interview takes place, Doria Ragland will conduct herself with the same dignity she did at her daughter's wedding.
In the meanwhile, the paparazzi and tabloid press appear to, once again, suffer from a conscience by pass, as they continue to pursue Thomas Markle.
It's bad enough that the poor man ended in hospital just before his daughter's wedding, they continue to come up with photos and headlines such as 'Meghan's Dad goes to Starbucks for a Coffee after heart op.', (conveniently ignoring their role in the said 'heart op').
Besides, in what universe is a man going to Starbucks (or any other Coffee house) for a coffee (there's a surprise) pass for 'news'?
When my husband asked if I'd like to go to Wentworth to watch the PGA Championship, I politely declined. Serves me right for being polite, because he went ahead and bought the tickets anyway. (I'm sure I'm not the first woman who's husband suffers from selective deafness).
Up until now, I have not been a fan of golf. The only experience I have had of golf, is playing it on the Nintendo Wee, although, I am pretty good at it there, if I do say so myself.
So, yesterday, while I did not kick and scream, I exuded a 'slightly inconvenienced' air, as we drove to the train station, took the train and then a bus - my inconvenienced air going from 'slightly' to 'highly' with every mode of transport.
Turns out, I quite enjoyed myself. There was a lot of walking to do, a lot of looking at men pondering small white balls and gauging distances from the balls to the holes.
The distances can be short, medium or long, my husband pointed out helpfully. Just like everything in life then, including the height and girth of the human race.
One golfer (I'll spare his blushes and not name him) had the misfortune of hitting the ball onto the public path. Very quickly a crowd gathered in anticipation of seeing him hit it back to where it was supposed to go.
He was cool and even joked that he had done it deliberately. Everyone was rooting for him except for five teetering, sniggering, young men (I am being polite)
Anyway, he swung his club and beautifully whacked the ball - and the smiles off the faces of the jackasses - (to hell with being polite). The Italian lady next to me put it best in one word - 'bello!'
She also used her arm to replay the trajectory of the ball, which I found very helpful, as when that small white ball is airborne, it turns invisible to my eye.
Notice, I haven't tried to use any golfing terms - I don't want to embarrass myself - I'll leave that to sniggering idiots (I am on an impolite roll now).
Highlight of the day? Catching a glimpse of Rory McIlroy.
Just before I finish, did you know that Doria Ragland's life is back to normal? She even took her dogs for a walk the other day.....I truly despair!
Until next week, try and keep it light!
As if it wasn't bad enough that Meghan Markle had to go through the stress of her father's ill health and last minute inability to attend her wedding, guess who piped up to give her two bit worth (and I am being generous).
It was, of course, estranged half-sister Samantha, mastermind behind the staged photos of their Dad and 'author' of Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister, who insinuated that either her Sister (Princess Pushy) or Kensington Palace, have been putting pressure on her not to talk to the media.
Such a shame that they haven't succeeded so far.
Since I have the time, but certainly not the inclination, this is a condensed version of her diatribe. 'This is not Great Britain. I am a US Citizen. In this Country we have Freedom of Speech'.
All I would say to that is, 'This is Great Britain and in this Country we have Freedom of turning a Deaf Ear to Freedom of Speech, when 'speech' is merely words-strung-together-with-intent-to-malign'.
Paradoxically, she claims to have bought a wedding present for her sister. I wish she had consulted me first. I would've suggested a present that would be priceless, yet not cost a dime. Her Silence.
Said silence would be golden to the Royal couple (and the rest of the world).
Actually, I am being rather harsh. She does seem concerned about their father, Thomas Markle. 'He is all on his own', she laments.
Well, here's another suggestion Samantha (I am on a roll) - hop across the border and keep him company, like the dutiful daughter you claim to be.That way you may also avoid getting hurt in paparazzi chases (real and imagined).
Another way to avoid getting hurt of course, is to stop chasing them.
Meanwhile, the other sterling sibling, Tom Markle Jnr. is in Britain. Apparently, he hasn't thought twice about putting a border and an ocean, between their convalescing father and himself.
'Open letters' Tom has, unashamedly, gone from being scathing to grovelling. Something tells me a reality show on the Malevolent Markles is not too far off.
Talking of families and reality shows, Kim Kardashian got into a spot of trouble for sucking a lollipop, albeit, a lollipop of the appetite suppressant kind.
She enthused how amazing they were, on Instagram, with a pic of her sucking on one. She urged her followers to hurry up and buy them, as the first 500 were up for a 15% discount.
Not free - just 15%. Perhaps that was all the company could afford, after paying Kim her touting fee. Nevertheless, the we-are-not-amused brigade came out in full force.
The most vociferous among them was actress Jameela Jamil, who, besides calling Kim a toxic influence on young girls, proceeded to say, 'Maybe don't take appetite suppressants, and eat enough, to fuel your brain.'
That is rather harsh, considering Kim does look like she eats enough. It's not her fault that it goes in the opposite direction to her brain.
A few thoughts on the Wedding of the Year (don't want to hurt Will and Kate's feelings by calling it the Wedding of the Decade).
Meghan looked stunning in her dress, which was classically beautiful. Someone on social media criticised it for not being Royal enough, due to the lack of frills.
Here's a news flash - Meghan is a modern woman, who doesn't need frills to look or feel like a Princess. Having said that, I think the 15 foot veil was a brave choice, considering one of her page boys was Prince George.
Did she not hear of his attempts to gleefully jump on the train of his Auntie Pippa's wedding dress, when he was her page boy?
Perhaps she did, which is why she chose two older (and, more importantly, bigger) page boys to help manage it (and George).
In my opinion, one of the stars today, was the Very Reverend Bishop Michael Curry, who delivered an animated, yet significant, sermon, not just to the Couple, but to the world at large.
However, the real star to me, was the Mother of the Bride, Doria Ragland - the only family representing Meghan.
She was dignified, calm, graceful and ever so slightly emotional - not an easy job to pull off in normal circumstances, much less, when the eyes of almost 2 billion people are upon you.
I think I will take up Yoga again.
Alas! I do have a rant. Nothing to do with the Wedding per se but everything to do with its coverage.
The constant zooming in on James Corden and the Beckhams, got on my last nerve. In fact, my last nerve doesn't exist any longer - it gave up after the 105th zooming in on the Beckhams.
David Beckham looked like he couldn't see the wood from the tattoos and Victoria appeared to be sucking on a sour version of Kim Kardashian's appetite suppressing lollipop.
Nevertheless, an amazing celebration of a lovely couple's wedding, with glorious weather to match.
Good luck to Meghan and Harry, the spanking new Duke and Duchess of Sussex
Until next week, try and keep it light!
No sooner had the two Korean leaders clasped hands (no ordinary clasping of hands but full on entwined fingers) and had given each other coy sideways glances, then some deluded people started whispering the 'N' word and Donald Trump in the same breadth.
Yes, there were suggestions that Trump could possibly be bestowed with the Nobel Peace prize. I am sure he blushed a deeper shade of orange when he heard that.
However, Trump being Trump, he couldn't help himself. He withdrew the USA from the hard fought Iran Nuclear Deal and has, I am assuming, put paid to his chances of getting the Nobel Peace Prize (if he had a chance in the first place).
However, all is not lost. In view of the Golden Shower rumours, he could still get the not-so-Noble Piss Prize.
Back in April, Tom Markle Jnr., Meghan's big brother, was so incensed at not receiving an invite to the Royal Wedding, he dipped his pen in poisoned ink, and fired off a spiteful little open letter to Prince Harry.
He said some pretty awful things about his sister and proceeded to urge Harry to call off the wedding as it would be 'the biggest mistake in Royal Wedding History'.
That letter achieved a few things but calling off the wedding wasn't one of them. It did achieve an understanding as to why she did not invite her siblings in the first place.
Mission unaccomplished, Tom Markle Jnr. decided to change tack. This time, the pen was dipped into ink overflowing with remorse and sycophancy, not to mention pleading.
Pleeeeease, pleeeeease Meghan, may we come to your wedding? Pleeeeeease, we're the only family you have. (You may have guessed that I am para phrasing).
Well, you may be the only family she has, but a family with no loyalty is worse than no family at all. Besides, she has Harry now.
Good luck to them next Saturday.
Until next week, try and keep it light!
Kanye West decided to do his bit for gun control. Like his alter ego, Jesus Christ, he decided to embrace humility and claim to have a 'hero' (other than Donald Trump).
To this end, he tweeted a picture of Emma Gonzalez with the caption: 'My hero, Emma Gonzalez'.
He must've been so overcome with his grand gesture as he waited in anticipation, for an effusive and gushing thank you of simpering disbelief. He waited in vain.
Cue, grand gesture number two. Mr. West shaved his head to emulate his hero's shaved look. He tweeted a pic of himself in all his shiny pate glory, with the caption,'inspired by Emma'.
This time there was a response - Ms Gonzalez tweeted a similar 'My hero' captioned picture.
Alas! The pic was not of Kanye. It was, deservedly, of James Shaw Jr. the man who tackled and disarmed the suspected mass shooter in the Waffle House Restaurant in Tennessee, with his little daughter.
Awww, nothing worse than unrequited hero worship. Never mind Kanye, I am sure you and your bruised ego will bounce right back, after you have dipped into that dragon energy you share with your 'brother' Donald.
Amber turned to red and the Cabinet is now Rudderless. I apologise, I can't help myself sometimes.
Sajid Javid has replaced Amber Rudd as Britain's Home Secretary. Sadiq Khan of course is London's Mayor. The two have similar sounding first names, similar Asian backgrounds and are close in age. Something tells me, they may well become the Ant and Dec of politics.
Bruno rocked up to the start of Dancing with the Stars wearing a come hither look and an outfit that can only be described as mutton dressed as baby zebra. Oh dear! Someone give the man a cloak.
In the meanwhile Germaine Greer appeared on ITV's 'This Morning,' dressed age appropriately, in other words, mutton dressed as mutton.
She managed to annoy a lot of people with her opinion on the upcoming Royal Wedding. She said and I quote, 'I don't want to be the wicked witch. If I say that I think she will bolt, I'm probably saying I hope she will bolt.'
If you are not intellectually predicting it but emotionally willing it, that by definition makes you a wicked witch GG.
Also, she appears to be turning her coat on the Sisterhood, claiming that the #metoo and timesup movements are filled with whingeing band wagon jumpers.
I am sure that is true of some women (as there will always be, regardless of gender) but to tar everyone with the same brush is ridiculous and highly insensitive.
To add insult to horrible injury, she holds the men who have been at the receiving end of sexual harassment, up as shining examples of non advantage takers.
What rock was she residing under when Cliff Richard was falsely accused by a man?
I wonder what item of clothing she'll chose to burn this time, to show her support for men - her Granny knickers perhaps? Mind you, they might serve as a blanket and put the fire out instead.
Until next week, try and keep it light.
