A lighter look at the news

 

 

You may be a hermit, living in a cave, on an uninhabited desert island and you would still be aware that a global sports event is taking place. 

Every four years, a country hosts this sporting event, to decide which country in the world is supreme at kicking a ball and shooting it into the other sides' net, guarded by a be-gloved man, doing his best to stop said ball.

This time, it is the turn of three countries in the continent of North America, doing the hosting. The United States of America, Canada and Mexico.

Up until now, the US has been largely indifferent to football. Maybe it is because they call it 'soccer'.  Maybe it is because they have their own 'football', where, paradoxically, there is minimal kicking of the ball. Dare I say, it is a bit like a glorified version of rugby.   

But it appears to have changed. The US is now impassioned about football - so impassioned that recently, their supreme leader, was supremely incensed that one of their players was given a red card in a previous match and would, therefore, not be able to play in their next match against Belgium. 

So he did what any supreme leader would do. He called the President of FIFA and asked him to 'review' the decision, as he, the Supreme Leader and an aficionado of football, thought that it was not a foul.

The President of FIFA, Infantino, is someone whose mother looked at him when she gave birth and had no problem imagining him as a grown man. Infantino is also a man known for his imagination. He is famous for using this god given gift of imagination, to create and bestow, a special peace prize to the Supreme Leader. 

Thus, at the behest of the orange Pele of Supreme Leaders, Infantino obliged by reviewing and revoking the red card. Despite this, Belgium won. The players celebrated by performing the Supreme Leader's special dance. The dance where he appears to be tugging on the invisible udders of two cows.

In the meanwhile, Britain's wannabe supreme leader, the man whose name rhymes with garage, is up to his old tricks again. He has willfully resigned as MP of Clacton, thus trigerring a by-election, which he will re-contest. Count Binface :) is his only opponent. The other political parties are not playing along. 

To give you an idea of our own Poundland Trump's voter base, a reporter asked a supporter of his, what she liked about him. She was sunbathing on a beach whilst protecting her modesty with a towel. She considered her answer for all of two seconds. I like that he says woh he thinks, came her reply.

When the reporter asked for her opinion on his ongoing  5 million controversy, she asked Woh 5 million? Sharp as a tack, that one. Obviously knows as much about politics as the Supreme Leader across the pond, knows about football.

    Count Binface v/s Count Spinface

 

Until next time, try and keep it light. 

 

 

 

                                    

 

 

A lighter look at the news

  

Well, colour me perplexed. Our Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, has resigned. Not because the people who elected his party in a landslide demanded it and not because the people forced him out, but because his own party demanded it. His own party forced him out.  And so, the game of Prime Minister's Musical Chairs has started. 

Will it be Wes Streeting? The man who got the ball rolling and got most of the nation scratching their collective heads and googling his name. What those people saw, was someone who looked like a cross between an altar boy and Piers Morgan. No thank you, seemed to be the general consensus.

It appears, most likely, sexy shorts Burnham will be our next Prime Minister. The man who the media told us may have a chance to win Makerfield in the recent elections there, although Reform had a very good chance of winning except Restore would probably divide the vote.

Turns out, no such thing happened. For all the hand wringing caused by the media,  Britain's Poundland Trump, Farage, and his party, were no competition at all and Andy Burnham won in a landslide.

I don't know about you, but I am so fed up of this need for immediate gratification. The impatience and criticism of a leader, especially by the media, before they have had a chance to create noticeable change, grates on my last nerve.

The hysteria created by the media, gets pounced on by sanctimonious politicians who are concerned for the welfare of the people. Not as much as they are concerned for their own personal welfare and the welfare of their egos, of course. 

There is no denying that Starmer was a tad robotic and, dare I say, boring. But we have had a charismatic Labour Prime Minister. Remember Blair? He charismatically convinced us that Iraq still had weapons of mass destruction. A war was started based on those invisible weapons.

The leader across the pond is said to be charismatic. Colour me perplexed once again because I cannot see it. Apparently, only specially chosen people can see it.

It is true that the only time Starmer caused us any amusement, was when he called 'hostages,' 'sausages.' I'd rather smile at a slip of the tongue from a boring leader, than cringe at the ignorant and cruel humour of certain other leaders.

Well, it looks like it won't be long before hot pants is in the hot seat. There is however, some disagreement in the party, as some want a swift transition to Andy Burnham being made the PM and others want a leadership contest. 

Either way, you can be sure of one thing. It won't be long before these same people, led by the media, will commence their now familiar demand for a change in leadership and the whole Prime Minister's Musical Chairs will start all over again.

Last week, the G7 leaders met up in Evian where the water flowed freely. I am sure some important things were achieved (and I am not being sarcastic at all) but it all got overshadowed by what I can only describe as The War Of The Poses.

It featured Donald Trump (there's a surprise) and Giorgia Meloni, Italy's Prime Minister. It started with Old Mad Donald claiming that Meloni had begged him to pose for a photograph with her. (He failed to mention if she had tears in her eyes whilst doing said begging.)

This incensed Meloni. She retaliated that it did not happen and that Italians never beg. Which, unsurprisingly, led to Trump resorting to his usual mud slinging. Meloni was up to the task and retaliated in kind. And so, The War Of The Poses continues...

Until next time, try and keep it light. 

 

 

   

 

A look at the news

 

Unfortunately, I am starting my blog with news that is anything but light.

Almost anyone would agree that losing a child is probably the worst nightmare for any parent. What I imagine can only make that horror worse, is losing that child at the hands of another human being. 

That is what so tragically happened to Henry Nowak's parents in December, 2025. The person responsible for Henry's murder has now been given a life sentence, with a minimum term of 21 years. 

No one would blame his family, if , after the release of the police body cam, they had called for vengeance. But they didn't.  This is what Henry's father said in front of the cameras: I don't want his death to be used to create further division, hatred or tension. We want his death to make our streets safer for everyone. 

That plea, apparently, got lost in translation by a politician whose name rhymes with 'garage.' So pure, so cold, so intense was this politician's rage, he deployed an industrial sized fan, turned it to its highest setting and flicked it on, in what one can only conclude, was an attempt to ignite flames of division, hatred and tension, thereby going against the precisely expressed wishes of Henry's father and family. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, the vice-president from across the pond, has X-creted a post on the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I am not going to quote his entire post, suffice to say he blamed massive invasion of migration for Henry's death. 

The man responsible for Henry's death is born in Britain, making him British, just like Vance's wife was born in the US, making her American. I am sure the Yale Law School graduate and best selling author is more than aware, that if wasn't for migration, he would not have met his wife and she would not be carrying their fourth child.

But then, why let the truth get in the way of a good anti-migration, divisive post on social media. 

Perhaps Mr Vance should concern himself with other worries, like his president falling asleep during meetings. The cameras have caught President Rip Van Wrinkle catching forty winks during meetings, when even a couple of winks from the previous president would have been mercilessly mocked by him. Maybe Lady Karma is working on behalf of 'Sleepy Joe.'

There are, of course, several excuses made on his behalf, one of them being that he isn't actually sleeping, he is merely resting his eyes. I shall now return the favour by offering unsolicited advice.

Paint a couple of eyes on Dozy Don's eyelids, so that the next time he 'rests' his eyes in public, people will be none the wiser. I am sure it will work. He has gotten away with far less believable fabrications.

Thankfully, he did get called out recently, during a Meet the Press interview given to a reporter in a barn - quite apt because he started braying like a donkey when she refused to let him get away with his usual top ten hits from his Fabrications Hit Parade, including his no.1 hit, 'The Elections Were Rigged', which hasn't left the charts since 2020.

His idea of providing evidence, was to say that he could see (as in vision see not water sea - not many people know the difference) what was happening. When she insisted that it couldn't pass for evidence, his face started to change colour. It went from burnt orange (he appeared to have dabbled with a new shade of orange that day) to dark pink to red - so many shades of red, shades of red the likes of which, no one had ever seen before.

He then resorted to doing what he always does when he doesn't have an answer to a question asked by an intelligent woman; he called her crooked. She refuted that, saying that she was not crooked. Since his face was at the dark pink stage at that time, I would've given anything for her to have said Quiet Piggy instead. He then pulled out his next go to insult. He said that she was either crooked or stupid -another word for dumb (with a 'b' - not many people know that either.)  

I am not sure what was in the falling rain water that day but the reporter, Kristen Welker, dug her heels in. Not long after, the mist that matched the colour of his face, descended.  With a Let's call it quits, I've had enough he made a lumbered attempt to flounce off, saying Thank you darling, have a good time. 

I know that it is asking too much of Ms Welker, after all, she'd shown more courage and determination than all the other reporters to date, but I do wish she'd replied You are welcome sweetheart. Have a lie-down now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

The lighter side of Sussexit

Once upon a time not so long ago, a beautiful actress met a young Prince and to cut a long, real life fairy tale, short, he asked her to marry him and she said yes.

She was truly a modern day Cinderella.

The people of the Kingdom started a Go Fund Me page to raise money for what was to be the most memorable day in the Prince's and Cinderella's lives but most importantly, in the lives of the people in the Kingdom. 

The day of the wedding arrived and the people were deliriously happy. 

Unfortunately, just like the original Cinderella, the bride had a mean family, who sold mean stories to people with cameras and computers, who then sold it to the people in the kingdom and all over the world.

The people read the stories but most of them did not mind. Some even felt sorry for the bride and her Prince. At least she has a lovely mother, they consoled themselves and each other. 

They looked forward to her doing her duty, walking beside her husband, looking pretty and mostly keeping her mouth shut.

But then she started to have opinions and, goodness gracious, she dared to share them. How dare she preach about the environment and then travel by air to her destinations, the people cried, forgetting to be happy.

How dare she not emulate that young climate change activist, Greater Iceberg and put her money where her mouth is, they cried crossly. 

If Cinderella and her Prince were going to preach to them, the decent thing to do, would be to travel in a zero emission sail boat, like Ms.Iceberg.

However, the people were not as cross as the special people with cameras and computers. Now they were really cross. 

They were almost apoplectic with crossness. 

The crossest of all the cross people with cameras and computers, was a person called Pisst Jargon. He could not stop saying mean things about Cinderella and slowly, some people started to become almost as mean as the evil people with cameras and computers.

Then the couple were expecting a baby and people were  happy once again. But not all the people were happy.  Some people were unhappy because they thought that she had a pretend bump and was expecting a pretend baby.

When she had a real baby, they were cross because the new parents did not share pictures of the real baby (except for a foot) and they did not tell the people who the fairy Godparents of the baby were.

When Cinderella and her Prince were out and about with the people of the Kingdom and with the people of the world, Cinderella kept touching her Prince's back to remind him that he had a spine. She knew that he was very upset because some people said that he had lost his spine.

Like all first time parents, they got very tired and decided to go on holiday to her Country.  But then they remembered her mean relatives. So, they went to the country next to hers, the land of King  Cointreau.

A few weeks later, they returned to the Kingdom to say that they would like to quit, as they quite liked living in the country next to hers and would like to spend quite a lot of time there.

Also, the Go Fund Me page could now be closed. Most people were now cross and sad.

Once again, the crossest and the saddest of all, were the evil people with cameras and computers. 

Their fairy tale was changing before their eyes and they sadly and crossly watched as their English Prince prepared to escape across the pond with the goose that laid their golden eggs.

However, not everyone was unhappy.  Indeed two men were so happy, they kept reaching into their pockets and touching their 'Get out of jail free' card.   

They were the Prince's Uncle, Prince Randy and the leader of Cinderella's Country, King Frump.

(Prince Randy was under suspicion for his inability to sweat and King Frump was wanted for impersonating a peach).

Until next time, try and keep it light.