Weekly news - rave or rant?
He came (unfortunately), he didn't see (the protesters probably looked like so many ants from his helicopter) and he certainly did not conquer (unless one counts Piers Morgan, but one wishes not to).
From Britain, Donald Trump proceeded to Helsinki, to meet Putin and to attempt to make Russia great again. Unfortunately for him, the proverbial hit the fan.
Now, I don't know if his advisers are getting tired of cleaning said fan, but they came up with an excuse so lame, it came with its own crutch and knocked 'the dog ate my homework' right off the top of the list of 'all time crappy excuses'.
Apparently, Trump says that he 'misspoke' and said 'would' instead of 'wouldn't'. Yes I know - crutch time!
It is scary the difference omitting two letters with an apostrophe in the middle, can make. I can see a scenario where DT apologises to the world - 'Sorry folks, I misspoke, I said, 'do push the button' when I meant 'don't push the button'. Sorry folks.'
How did his pal Vlad say thank you? He gave him a football. Trump proceeded to throw the football to Melania.
Now, I am not stereotyping but Melania looks like she has played a game or two of volleyball in her time. Shame she didn't smash the ball right back.
Missed your opportunity to become a living legend, Mel.
In the meanwhile, Susanna Reid has said that a whole lot of people - left wingers, right wingers and male feminists - are putting pressure on her to quit her job on Good Morning Britain. (The irony of male feminists telling a woman what to do. Old habits die hard, I guess.)
The reason for their demand, is the person who sits next to her - her co-presenter Piers Morgan. There is a furore over his contrasting interviewing methods with Ash Sarkar and Trump's former adviser, Steve Bannon.
He brayed like a demented donkey at Ms Sarkar and played all nicey, nice with Mr Bannon.
Which begs the question - why demand that Ms Reid lose her livelihood on account of his actions? Why not demand that ITV sack Piers instead?
Or, here is a radical idea - just don't watch the show. There is one thing every TV presenter and his/her show depend on for their survival - Ratings.
But then, where is the fun in common sense, as opposed to self righteous indignation, protestations, not to mention attacking the wrong person.
Burberry have apparently burnt excess stock (bags, clothes, etc) worth 28 million pounds. A strange phenomenon occurred when I read that.
As I picked my jaw off the floor, the biblical proverb, 'it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle........ 'crossed my mind simultaneously. Such a peculiar coincidence.
Nevertheless, I have a suggestion for Burberry. I understand (somewhat) that you don't want to sell your precious stock at reduced rates, lest your customers decide to play the waiting game.
So, to start with, why not sell goods at their original, eye watering, exorbitant rates and with the left over stock, have a badge sewn on, that says something like, 'second time round' and give the proceeds to a charity of your choice.
Children affected by war, Women who are victims of domestic violence, Malaria, Abused children, Cancer research, Feeding the hungry..... you are spoilt for choice.
Fashion is creative. Creativity and imagination go together, like a hand and a bag, so stop showing such embarrassing lack of imagination and get creative with your left over stock.
No thanks necessary, although I am open to offers for the post of 'Adviser'. My fee would be less than 1/50th of the value of your burnt up stock and I may even consent to an interview with Piers Morgan.
Until next week, try and keep it light!
Last Thursday, a circus came to town but has now, thankfully departed, taking its ringleader with it. The ringleader, typically, caused jaws to drop with astonishment at his antics, but in this case, not in a good way.
Air Force 1 crossed the Atlantic and landed on British soil and the President of the free world prepared to descend the stairs. Next to him was the First Lady. He tentatively grazed the knuckles of his small hand against hers.
I held my breath in anticipation of a Wimbledon inspired whack of the little hand. Unfortunately, on this occasion, the First Lady capitulated and let her hand be grasped and together they descended the stairs.
There were between 50,000 to 100,000 people demonstrating on the streets of London but Donald Trump and his sensitive ego were shielded from them, as he was transported from one venue to the next, by helicopter.
Not that they should have bothered. Even if he was driven through the thick of it, I suspect his response would be the same, as the one he gave the journalist who asked him for his reaction to the thousands of protesters - 'the British people love me'.
That evening, Theresa May hosted a red carpet dinner at Blenheim Palace. She arrived with her husband, resplendent in red (Tay may not her husband) followed by the arrival of America's First couple.
Melania glided along, looking like a daffodil with wings, alongside her husband, looking like an orange moth clad in black, with no wings.
The military band started to play and I half expected them to strike an impromptu version of 'Lady in Red' in honour of our Tay May (or 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' in honour of Melania). Unfortunately, they stuck to protocol and it all went smoothly.
The next day, Trump and Melania met the Queen. Don donned on the same dopey grin he'd donned on when he met the Pope. Queen Elizabeth II has probably played host to a few misogynistic narcissists in her time, so for her, it was just another day at the office.
There was a news conference that beggared belief. At one point, DT refused to listen to, much less answer, a question posed by a CNN reporter. 'You're CNN - Fake news' he said dismissively, turning away.
Can you imagine what would happen if Theresa May refused to answer a question from a BBC or Channel 4 reporter?
How does a democratically elected President of a free country, get away with that sort of behaviour?
After a couple of golfing days in Scotland, he is now on his way to Helsinki, to meet his good friend Putin. Perhaps Putin will show Trump how to twerk his man boobs while fishing bare chested. It doesn't get more manly than that.
One can only hope Putin will have dried off, after the downpour at the trophy giving ceremony at the end of the World Cup Finals.
Come to think of it, that should not be a problem, considering at the first hint of a raindrop, a massive umbrella covered Mr. P, while his guests, the Presidents of France and Croatia, got soaked to the skin in the heavy downpour that followed.
Tsk, tsk, such bad manners with the whole world watching.
Btw, Congratulations France and well done Croatia.
At another great sporting event, the Wimbledon Ladies' Final, two sisters-in-law sat next to each other. Because of their privileged status, they occupied front row seats in the royal box.
Kate and Meghan looked lovely and relaxed, chatting to others and each other, with the occasional smile. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, according to Meghan's father, Thomas Markle, he can see the pain and sadness behind his daughter's smiles.
I agree. I too saw sadness behind her smiles. I actually detected some misting of the eyes as well. Only natural, considering her good friend Serena, failed to win her 24th grand slam title. Not, I suspect, as her father claims, because she is unhappy being a royal and misses her acting career.
One would choose to offer the same advise to Mr. Markle as one has already offered his motor mouth daughter Samantha - stop talking.
Stop making public, unsubstantiated comments and start building trust. Not pontificating, just offering some friendly advice. Take it or leave it.
I suspect if a tick box appeared next to each option, 'leave it' would probably get ticked before you could say 'sparkle markle' (sigh) One can only try.
Until next week, try and keep it light.
I have never been less enthused about a World Cup Football Tournament, than I have been this time round. For some reason, the whole World Cup Football hype escaped me.
Was it because it was held in Russia? Quite likely. I am not a fan of homophobia or (alleged) Novichok on British soil.
Apologies, if I am tarring everyone with the same brush, but that is how I felt and is possibly, the reason for my unusual indifference.
But then, Gareth Southgate and his merry band of English footballers started playing and I, along with the rest of the country, got sucked into the heady euphoria of possibility, and dared to hope, one game at a time.
There was cautious optimism but, unfortunately this evening, not enough nerve and conviction. But who can blame them? They brought us further than any one predicted and made the World Cup so much more exciting for English football fans.
Well done England!
To the ardent English football fan(atic) who had 'England, World Cup Winners, 2018' tattooed on his thigh, my suggestion would be to go back to the tattoo parlour and have a fresh tattoo below it, saying, 'fake news, fake news'.
Finally, am I the only one who thinks the football song/chant, 'It's Coming Home', is jinxed? It hasn't come home since 1966 and no amount of singing/chanting appears to encourage it to come home.
I suggest a new battle cry. Something with no tune and no words. Just positive, good vibrations. I am sure Gareth Southgate would approve.
Next time, it might actually come Ommmmm.......
