The world has gone barking mad!

The bride wore a close fitting white dress and a white fabric rose on her head. Yes, it was on her head - not tucked behind her ear or pinned to one side. It lay on top of her head, almost like a separate entity, at least five times the size of the head it was supposed to adorn. 

Waiting for her was the groom - her dog. That's correct, it's not a typo. I didn't mean to type God, as in adored fiancee. 

A dog - that's  who she was marrying. 

Unsurprisingly, the groom (goes by the name of Logan) looked miserable and was probably there purely out of loyalty to his mistress (soon to be his wife). Also, despite the impending nuptials, since he is a dog, I don't think he had a choice, poor thing.

The bride walked down the 'aisle' with TV presenter Eamon Holmes, who was giving her away. He should have walked her in the direction of some medical professional and given her away there, but of course he didn't. The exploitation of woman and dog continued live on daytime TV.

Someone sang a song, someone else (apparently a Love Island contestant) was the 'best man' (highly debatable) and yet another person 'officiated', where ridiculous vows were made (don't ask), bracelet and ring were exchanged (once again, don't ask) and they were declared 'dog and woman' (talk about stating the obvious).

This does give one pause for thought. Note, I've resisted the temptation to say 'paws', I just don't think it's punny (oops!). Seriously though, how low does one stoop to get viewers/publicity?

Did the producers think it was funny and since it involved a dog, people would think it cute and go 'awwww'? If they did, they definitely barked up the wrong tree (apologies again).

What about the 'bride'. Apparently, she married her dog because she could not find a good man (can't imagine why). I'm not taking her side, but perhaps that rose on her head was blocking oxygen supply to her brain.

She didn't look as if she was fully present (to put it politely) and ITV should know better from their past experiences.

I will now get off my soap box and call it a night - I don't want to feel ruff tomorrow morning :)

A lighter look at the news

Oh dear....France wants to pass tech taxes on some American internet giants and  it has enraged a certain someone, who has turned a deeper shade of orange (if that's possible).

Gone are the days when L'orange giggled like an excited school boy with a crush, as he linked arms and basked in a bromance with Macron.

Their bromance appears to be as dead as that symbolic friendship tree they planted when Macron visited the US.   
                                          

                             
As usual, when anything irritates Trump, he lashes out, saying  something scathing about the person/country.  So, unsurprisingly, he had a dig at French wine.

He said, and I quote, "I've always liked American wines better than French wines .....even though I don't drink wine. I just like the way they look."

I am going to go linguistically Anglo-French here and say 'oh dear, sacre bleu, sugar and mon dieu.'  Do we laugh or do we cry?

If you were expecting something slightly stronger like 'sheeet' or 'merde', you ought to know better by now. I keep my blog clean, just like (apparently) Trump keeps his liver.

So (surprise, surprise) he likes things just because they look good. Hmmmmm, wonder how Melania feels about that? 

To answer my own question, 'should we laugh or should we cry?' I vote that we should laugh (with relief).

Can you imagine what his 2 am tweets would be like if he was bladdered? Doesn't bear thinking about.

If the Obamas thought for a minute that they were now safe from his interference, they were sadly mistaken.

L'orange has demanded that there be an investigation into their estimated $65 million book deals. 

As the teletubbies would say, 'Uh oh!' I think the green monster is taking over the orange monster. 

I think the closest L'orange has come to encountering any sort of book, was that magazine that (allegedly) a certain Stormy person was asked to roll up and spank him on the bottom with.

And he had to pay for the privilege!

Until next week, try and keep it light.

A lighter look at the news

It is  official, like him or loathe him, Boris Johnson is now the Prime Minister of Britain.
                                             

Guess who was 'deeelighted' by the news? You guessed it -  Donald Trump of course.

He praised Boris for all of ten seconds, calling him a 'good man', before he made it all about himself.

'They call him 'Britain Trump' over there' he proclaimed. Actually, no one calls him that over here, simply because no self respecting Brit would call him 'Britain Trump' - that's just bad English.

'Britain's Trump' or 'British Trump' perhaps but even then, I have not heard anyone say it except when they are quoting Trump himself.

In typical Trump fashion (read deluded) he assumes that even if someone does say it, they mean it as a compliment (someone needs to tell him what happens when you 'assume' things). 

Obviously, no one has had the courage to do so, because he went on to make another annoying assumption - 'they like me over there.'

Since he is so fond of three worded chants ('send her back', 'lock her up') -here's a chant he might understand - 'no we don't. 

I know of only four people in Britain who like him: Piers Morgan, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson and that awful woman whose venomous tweets Trump is very fond of retweeting.

Sorry if you are wondering who she is but my digits will literally go on strike if I move them to type her name and give her the oxygen of publicity.

Also, going by social media, I find it puzzling that some people across the pond appear to think that we are now in the same boat.

'Now you know how it feels' and 'You can no longer make fun of us' appeared to be the general consensus.

Actually, for the moment, the jury is out on that one. 

After all, BoJo was gracious enough to 'pay tribute at the fortitude and patience' of Theresa May and since he actually has appointed his very own 'squad' in the Cabinet, he is hardly likely to urge them to 'go back' to their countries.

Sorry guys, you'll just have to wake up and smell the covfefe.

Until next week try and keep it light....and stay hydrated.

A lighter look at the news

From time to time, I may come across a person and think to myself, 'they really can't tell their a**e from their elbow'. I guess you're shocked - you didn't think I was judgemental did you?

Nothing about my blog gave it away. 

Anyway, I confess to thinking this on more than one occasion, where the supposed leader of the free world is concerned.

Except, I suppose, in his case, it's more 'can't tell his thumbs from his mouth' (or a**e, same difference).

However, I'll admit I was wrong. It appears, he actually can't tell his kidneys from his heart. 

During a recent speech, he said, and I quote, 'the kidney has a very special place in the heart.'

And, just in case you thought he meant it as an idiom, he was actually thumping his heart as he said it.

One can take consolation in the fact that at least he knows where his heart is located.....even if he thinks it's being fondly cradled by his kidneys.

From one narcissist to another, Gemma Collins, who apparently has a new reality show that is about to air (why????), appears to be fashioning herself as a nature lover, who hugs trees.

Poor, poor, trees. They take in our carbon dioxide and nourish us with fresh oxygen and what do we do? We inflict Gemma Collins on them.

Apparently, she is shown in a clip, wrapping her arms around the trunk of a tree and whispering 'nature'.

I would give anything for the tree to whisper 'attention seeking human' back at her.


She then had the audacity to go on instagram and ask if anyone else hugs trees or if it is just her.

I know her brand is being 'thick' but even she has to know that she hasn't discovered the hugging of trees.

I am furious on behalf of all tree hugging hippies and Prince Charles. 

However, I have to confess that a part of me is a tad tickled at the first case of cultural appropriation within a race that I have come across.

Going back to the potential scriptwriter for the fourth season of The Handmaid's Tale', also known as the President of the United States, despite his diatribe against the four congresswomen of colour, he claims that he does not have a single racist bone in his body.

I am quite sure the man speaks the truth. I am quite sure he doesn't have a single racist bone in his body. I am sure all the bones in his body are racist.

Mind you, that would be hard to prove. I think even a skilled surgeon or indeed an archaeologist, would be hard put to dig out any bone in his body, surrounded as they are, by all that racist blubber.

Going back to his, 'if you are not happy, leave and go back to your country' jibe at the congresswomen, I wonder why he hasn't looked closer to home.

The last time Melania smiled in public was when she met Pope Francis and the two tittered at the girth of her husband, with the Pope asking her if she feeds him Slovenian nut roll (apt) 'potica'. 

One would assume since she hasn't cracked a smile since then, she is not happy. So perhaps he should busy his little hands and help her pack, not forgetting to pack this item of clothing.

Until next time, try and keep it light! 

A Lighter look at the News

Goodness me, I can't remember the last time I was so engrossed and yet so torn between sports channels. First there was the Wimbledon tennis.

Roger Federer played like a well oiled machine with an unbreakable serve.

This of course, frustrated Novak Djokovic, as he is arguably the best ever returner of serve. Did that bother Roger? Apparently not, as unperturbed, the cool Swiss carried on.

But then again, Djokovic is world no.1 and when it mattered (particularly when Roger had two championship points on his serve) he dug deep,  caught up and eventually won in a fifth set tiebreak.

I haven't bothered to wax lyrical because waxing of any lyrics to describe this match would not do it justice. You had to watch it....but how? when England were on the other channel making their own piece of cricketing history.

Oh dear Lord(s)!!!! First they tied, which then brought on the 'Super Over'. I swear, somewhere in the UK, there should be a theme park that names a ride after it.

Palpitation creating, blood pressure raising, nerve wrecking but ultimately thrilling (not so much of the latter if you are a New Zealand fan) this roller coaster of a Super Over was the absolute, ultimate dream.

As if that wasn't enough, somewhere in the midst of all this, Lewis Hamilton had his sixth British Grand Prix victory!

What an amazing sporting day it has been except for this unsporting (to put it mildly) tweet I came across from someone who calls himself the Leader of the most powerful democratic country in the world:

'So interesting to see 'Progressive' Democrat Congresswomen, who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe, the worst, most corrupt and inept anywhere in the world (if they even have a functioning government at all), now loudly ... and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful Nation on earth, how our government is to be run'.

Three of these four non-white women were born in the US and the fourth became a US citizen at around 17.

A cocktail of vitriol, racism, xenophobia and misogyny.....reads like the perfect script for a fourth season of Handmaid's tale.

Until next week, try and keep it light.












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