A lighter look at the news

You may or may not wonder why Brexit has not figured in  my blog posts recently. I have a confession to make - a guilty (albeit innocent) secret.

The topic of Brexit puts me to sleep. Literally. Such good news for an insomniac like me. I tuck myself in bed, think of Brexit and before you can say 'Jean Claude Juncker', I am in the Land of Nod.

Who said nothing good would come out of Brexit?

Meanwhile, I am not sure if Melania Trump has resigned herself to join them because she can't beat them (them being her husband and his cronies).

Why else would she decide to visit the children separated from their families at the borders and held in 'tender age' camps,(a good decision - her visit, not the camps), and then proceed to wear what appears to be a bespoke jacket that reads, 'I really don't care, Do U?' (a very bad decision).

For someone who got an 'Einstein' visa to the US, that was a rather dumb thing to do. 

I have a suggestion that might help Melania, if the backlash gets too much. Do what her husband's good friend Roseanne Barr did, to recover from her own b(l)acklash: start planting, digging the earth and singing.

And while digging, make sure she buries that awful jacket.

While on the topic of insensitive behaviour, on Fox news, a Democratic Strategist, asked a former Trump Campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, his opinion on a 10 year old Down's Syndrome girl being separated from her mother on the Mexican border.

Mr Lewandowski's dignified response? 'Womp, womp'.  

In the meanwhile, poor Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House Press Secretary, booked a table for eight, in her husband's name, at a restaurant called 'The Red Hen' in Virginia.

When the staff realised who was dining at their restaurant, they called the owner, who immediately made her way to the restaurant.

Apparently, she took a vote with the staff (a few of whom were gay and most of whom were not happy with the immigration debacle) and based on their wishes, she took Ms Sanders to the patio and requested that she leave.

Ms. Sanders said fine and left with her party. She later tweeted this:

Awwwwwww!! Such a delightful and confident insight into her own psyche and personality. 

I have two words to say to Ms Saunders, and considering the company she keeps and the administration she works for, it should make sense to her, 'Womp, womp!' 

Apparently, Trump supporters are set to protest in front of the restaurant. In other words, they are going to show their support for the Orange Rooster, in front of the Red Hen. 

Until next time, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the news

Did you watch the new, revised (can't say improved) Teletubbies' show, which was aired on Tuesday? I found it surreal, fascinating and oddly entertaining in equal measure.

There was an orange teletubby who we shall call OTT and a beige one who we shall refer to as BO. The orange one was delirious with excitement and looked like he'd just been dropped in 'Laa Laa' Land (on his head) while the beige one remained 'Po' faced.

The only time the beige one's expression changed was when the orange one asked the photographers to make them look handsome and thin. He cast him a disgusted 'speak for yourself' look. Someone should have told OTT  that they are photographers, not miracle workers.

Through the whole thing, OTT behaved like a five year old who'd just discovered that Santa was not from the North Pole but from North Korea and could possibly be responsible for him receiving his most desired gift - a Nobel Peace Prize.

Hands were enthusiastically pumped, important documents were signed, self praises were sung and declarations were made as to the enormity of the success of said meeting.

If they could've sealed the deal with a teletubby body bump, they probably would, but mercifully they didn't. 

I say mercifully, because the height difference would probably result in the shorter one being whacked in the face with belly flab (and goodness knows what part of the taller one's anatomy the shorter one's belly would be whacking). 

Now that it's over, I wonder how long before one of them goes 'uh-oh' and starts tearing up the documents, leaving poor Noo-noo to clean up the mess.

Before leaving for Singapore, Donald Trump attended the G7 meeting in Quebec. At some point, he decided to 'score' his opponents.....oops, I mean, allies.

His man crush, Emmanuel Macron got a passionate '10' (of course),

Ange Merkle got a '10' as well (he wouldn't dare give her anything less) and Justin Trudeau got a '10'  (which may have since been revoked).

What did our Tay May get, you might ask? Well, she got nothing. Zilch, nada..... the same result as her Brexit talks, thus far.

A few days ago, Roseanne Barr tweeted this:

Unfortunately, she has kept her promise and has been 'speaking for herself in media' way too soon. If only she had carried on planting digging in the earth and singing, she would not be the only one feeling a great deal of relief.

Until next week, try and keep it light and if lightness eludes you,  try planting trees, digging in the earth and singing. 

Another lighter look at this week's news

Raheem Sterling came under fire this week for having a tattoo on his leg. Now, you may not think that it is unusual for a footballer to have a tat, but  Raheem's tat is of a gun. Little wonder everyone is up in arms about it (no pun intended).

He has tried to explain the reason for his choice. Apparently, it is in honour of his father, who was gunned down when he was just 2 years old.

Strange reason, but it's his life, his choice, his tat and his leg. Unfortunately for him, his reason did not appease the hard core objectors.

They appear to have offered him two choices - have it removed or, failing that, have him removed from the England team.

Now, as I said, his reason may appear strange but let's face it, he is a footballer, not a rocket scientist. 

Perhaps he thinks, unlike real guns, instead of shooting bullets,  his gun will shoot goals for England at the World Cup. (It was scarily easy for me to get into the mind of a footballer).

Nevertheless, I have two counter suggestions for Mr. Sterling. First would be to pull his socks up to his knees and keep them there at all times (double sided tape should do the trick).

Second suggestion, tattoo some roses around the gun and claim to be a Guns and Roses fan. If you are reading this Raheem (all footballers, particularly the Beckhams, love my blog!) -  you are most welcome.

I feel sorry for Roseanne Barr, I really do. She had the misfortune of having a sleepless night (one presumes), so she gulped a couple of Ambiens (just discovered they are sleeping pills) and unbeknownst to her, she and her tweeting thumbs turned racist.

In the throes of her Ambiens induced trance, she appears to have discovered the antithesis to Einstein's theory of relativity - in other words, she has discovered the theory of unrelativity.

Einstein's equation: E (Energy)=mc2 (mass x speed of light squared).

Roseanne's equation: MB (Muslim Brotherhood) + PoTA(Planet of The Apes) = VJ (Valerie Jarrett). 

Now, she really should have stopped there. But she didn't. 

Apparently, she claims that she did not know that Ms Jarrett was Black. She commented to a fan, 'I really thought she (VJ) was Persian and Jewish'.

The last time I checked, being a bigot is just as bad as being a racist. ABC has now cancelled her show.

Oh dear, what a way to lower the Barr.

Talking of people who should know when to stop talking, Germaine Greer, who should have stopped talking after the sixties were over, has come up with yet another infuriating 'opinion'.

Rape, she says, is just 'bad sex' and victims of rape do not suffer from trauma.

Now, I am not sure if the cause of this vitriol are the fumes she inhaled from all those burning bras (and their underwires) or if she was, indeed, never a feminist in the first place.

Perhaps, she happened to be in the right place, at the right time, saw a niche and, putting her disdain for her own gender to one side, jumped right in.

There is a suggestion that she is trying to get publicity to flog her soon to be released book. I'd rather eat the raw eye of a fish, than disclose the name of said book (if I knew it).

Anyway, when her book does get published, I am sure it will fly off the shelves, if her demographic readership is misogynistic, violent men.

Most women, and right thinking men, wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

Until next week, try and keep it light!