A lighter take on the weekly news

If you have been a Spice Girls' fan, you may need to sit down when you read this - the Spice Girls are having a reunion! (If you are not a spice girls' fan, I congratulate you on your good taste).

Anyway, they are apparently being paid 10 million each for the said reunion.

While the other 'girls' are probably gargling their vocal chords with  Himalayan salt water and hiring voice coaches, Posh has poutily pondered and come up with a classic proviso to her contract - she will do it as long as she doesn't have to sing.

The promoters were probably weak with relief - I am sure they had no intention of letting her 'sing' in the first place. 

I have always (I confess for all of 5 seconds) wondered why, except for 'Ginger', none of the other girls' names were actual spices.

Now that they are mature, I think they should keep it real and rename themselves appropriately - which is what they should have done in the first place.

'Baby' should be Mustard (seed) spice, Scary should be 'Star Anise' spice (a tiny pinch packs a punch), Sporty should be 'Nutmeg' spice (a little goes a long way) and if Ginger fancies a change, she could be 'Turmeric' spice.

That just leaves good old 'Posh'. With her constant bland expression, I can't come up with an appropriate spice name, so we'll just have to settle for  'Pouty LipSync' spice. 

A made up spice for a made up singer. 

While Oprah Winfrey won many fans with her female empowering speech at the Golden Globes, she failed to win over our very own Ann Robinson. 

Ann has said that she 'loathes' Oprah. A very strong word from one strong woman to another - yay for sisterhood.

To cut a short story even shorter, Ann and her daughter appeared on the Oprah show back when Ann (and her quiz show) were relevant.

There also happened to be another 'Mother and Daughter' combo at the show,  who  did not get along and apparently Oprah worked her magic and they worked their 'problems' out (on the show).

However, according to Ann, after the show, she and her daughter shared a taxi with the said mother and daughter, who came to blows in the shared taxi. 'Where was Oprah then?' asks Ann.

To state the obvious, not in the taxi. But guess who was there? The  Queen of Mean. All she (Ann) had to do was shout 'you are the weakest links' and kick them out of the cab. Instead she cowered in a corner. 

So who really is the weakest link? 

If it makes Ann feel any better, I am sure Oprah, with all her meditation and mindfulness,  doesn't loathe her back. I doubt she even remembers her. Don't take offence Ann, wink, wink!

I have to say that the cockles of my heart are warmed and  I feel so honoured that this is the 'Year of the Woman'. But in the words of that very influential modern day woman, Beyonce, 'Question' - what happens at the end of the year?

Do things go back to the way they were? Because a year cannot possibly right the wrongs that a lot women have endured.

If you really want to level the playing field, how about calling it the 'Millennium of the Woman'. That will be a start.

On her recent visit to China, Theresa May was informed that the Chinese people affectionately called her 'Auntie May'. Apparently she was flattered to be considered a family member.

Sorry Tay May but I have always called my aunts by their first name, as in 'Auntie Dorothy'; not Auntie Smith, or Auntie Fernandes. 

Also, I don't remember David Cameron being called 'Uncle Cameron' when he visited China as PM.  Once again, I rest my case for the 'Millennium of the Woman'.

Until next week, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the News

At last, Posh Spice has had an epiphany and realised what we want, what we really, really want… and it’s certainly not overpriced size 0 to -4 dresses.

Yes, having grasped the concept that some women actually like their food and that the average dress size for women is somewhere between 12 to 16, she is now designing dresses for all women. To make up for her earlier transgressions, she is going overboard and designing dresses from sizes up to 24, which are stocked in 'Target'.

While polishing her halo, Vicky Beck pouted her reason for this venture. Apparently, it is to empower all women. The fact that her bank balance gets empowered as well, is just a bonus.

I can’t wait for Posh to bring her clothes to Britain. Surely, it is her patriotic duty to empower British women (of all sizes) as well? I am sure Asda is clearing spaces on their shelves even as we speak.

On a different note, I wonder why she called her daughter Harper and not Saffron, after all she is Posh spice. Oh dear! I hope I don’t give her any ideas..there may be another little Beckham on the way.

Meanwhile, the Archbishop of York was very cross with the National Trust and Cadbury for dropping the word 'Easter' from their Easter Egg Hunt. He, and a lot of Christians, see it as yet another attempt to take a Christian festival and wipe out traces of any link to Christianity.

On a personal level, I find it slightly irritating that people who don’t have the foggiest idea what Lent is all about, ‘observe’ it by using it as an opportunity to detox their systems. New Year’s resolutions didn’t work? Don’t worry, there’s always Lent!

I have all our Easter eggs (in their boxes) on the kitchen table and on scrutiny, not a single one of them has the word ‘Easter’ on them. Nonetheless, I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter!

Until next week, try and keep it light!