Poor Amir Khan! He must realise that he missed his true calling. I know he is a great boxer and has won many accolades, trophies and medals as one, but I reckon he could literally give Usain Bolt a run for his money.
During his challenge in 'I’m a Celeb.', he put in his hand (through a hole in the wall) and pulled out a snake! Now, if a ‘hand’ was called a ‘rake’ or indeed a ‘snake’ was called a ‘snand’, we would have a marvellous modern day nursery rhyme.
Alas (doing my best for the word), a hand is a hand and a snake is a snake. So, no nursery rhyme glory for me. Little Jack Horner must be giddy with relief.
Anyway, going back to Britain’s boxer turned sprinter, Amir was, impressively, able to multi task, shouting, ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’, at the same time as sprinting the hell out of there.
When the celebrity and his poor minion (Toff who was bitten to within an inch of her life) were out, the men, Ant, ‘a very small man’ Dec and Lightening Khan, proceeded to chat, while poor Toff jumped around as if she had ants in her pants. Well, come to think of it, she probably did.
Someone on Gogglebox called him a ‘big girls’ blouse’. Whatever happened to the word ‘sissy’? At least the word ‘sissy’ doesn’t end up offending big girls and blouses. How dare anyone suggest that blouses (irrespective of the size of the wearer) are inferior to shirts.
The Patriarch of the Johnson family appears to be having a marvellous vacation in the jungle. Unsurprisingly, he appears to be exempt from most challenges, so a stress free time is being had by Stan the Man.
If you listen to Boris and you listen to Pater Johnson, you might think that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But I refuse to call Boris an apple - I actually like apples. So, ‘A chip of the old block’ will have to do. Or, considering who we are talking about, a big chunk of the old block is probably more appropriate.
Apparently, Robert Mugabe wishes to be forgiven. I am surprised that he actually hasn’t demanded that he be forgiven.
I know he is 93 years old but surely he hasn’t forgotten the two words that usually precede a request for forgiveness - ‘mea culpa’. I suspect every wingless creature will take flight before that happens.
I am still recovering from watching Debbie McGee’s Argentine Tango. If only Shirley Ballas had not impulsively and prematurely handed over her invisible ‘Latin Queen’ crown to Debbie for her Charleston, last night would have been the perfect time to do so.
However, she did enthuse about Debbie’s balance. Apparently, the balance of Ballas is not as good as the balance of McGee. That was the balanced view of Ballas.
Now, I don’t want to offend Susan’s army of fans (since I do not have an army of readers, I think I am safe) but she, or should I say her fans, are getting on my last nerve.
‘She is what the show is about’ they rave. ‘She is improving every week’, they gush. ‘She is so entertaining’, they proclaim.
Well, if Susan is what the show is about and everyone danced like her, trust me, I would probably stop watching it. In fact, I would not have started watching it in the first place.
As for her ‘improving’ every week, sorry, guys but Specsavers beckons, just to make sure you don’t need to change the prescription on your rose tinted glasses.
To give Susan her due, she does learn her routine thoroughly and shows no nerves as she proceeds to march through her steps with army like precision.
The one thing I do agree with, is that she is entertaining. Not so much on the dance floor as in the ‘Clauditorium’. When she is in the ‘Clauditorium’, I play a game that is the opposite to ‘Where's Wally’.
‘Where's Susan’ requires no effort. All you need to do is predict where she will appear every time someone appears to block her, because appear she does - just where is the challenge!
I have found it hugely entertaining and on the remote chance she gets voted out this week, I shall miss playing ‘Finding Susan’. Alas, it’s too late to have it in the shops by Christmas. My retirement will just have to wait.
Until next year, try and keep it light!
No, I did not make a mistake, I am taking a break from the ‘Lighter news’. At least, that is the plan, although I may just do a Susan and pop up from time to time!
If I don’t, have a decadent December (let’s be honest, we all do) and I will try my best to sharpen my feathered pen for 2018.
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