A lighter look at the news

 This may not be popular, particularly in recent times, but I have a confession to make - I am an anti-waxxer. And before you ask, no, it's not a typo. If you started reading this because you thought that I was a fellow anti-vaxxer, please stop now and go get yourself inoculated (maybe that word will work).

I am an anti-waxxer simply because I cannot imagine why in the world anyone would want to pour molten lava on their legs and other delicate parts of their body - like their arm pits (didn't think I was going to say that, did you)? The only hot brown liquid I will tolerate (dare I say, even enjoy) is if the word Brazilian is followed by the word coffee.

I am not saying that women should necessarily sport the hairy Mary look (although I have great admiration for those who go down that path). All I am saying is that, it is as if at some point women thought monthly cramps and labour pains weren't enough, they had to incorporate some more painful challenges into their lives. Cue, hot wax and strips of fabric.

I have just one word to suggest an alternative - razors. That God given implement (apologies to Wilkinson if they beat God to it), widely used by men to get rid of unwanted hair.

At this point, I feel a full disclosure is in order. My legs and arms are pretty much hairless. But before you go hating me, my upper lip, if left unattended, would give Tom Selleck a run for his money!

If you're wondering about my uncharacteristic mental ruminations, I recently had an eye operation and wasn't able to do a lot, except listen to podcasts and ruminate. Now that I am healing, lucky you, I can share my ruminations (I promise that's the last time I'm going to use that word, not least because I'm beginning to feel like a cow).

Now, back to my usual rant. As I mentioned, I had an eye operation, which of course meant that I had a couple of visits to the hospital. During those visits, not once did I see a single person, be they patient or staff, unmasked. Not one single person.

So you can imagine how irate I was this week to see that bumbling bloke we call our Prime Minister, walk through a hospital corridor without a mask. 

Not even a token mask under his chin or dangling from his ear, to give the impression, false though it be, that he had just removed it.

Such a shame that one of the staff, who he merrily elbowed by way of greeting as he strode down the hospital corridor, didn't miss and get his chin instead (and alas, he wouldn't even have had the protection of a chin mask).

I have a suggestion for the next time he visits a hospital and goes mask less - have him zipwire through the corridors. And if lightening strikes again....

... well, I heard that the waiting times in hospitals can be quite long. 

In my ruminations (I apologise, please don't moo), I imagine Matron bustling by with a stern, 'Should've worn that mask Prime Minister.' And she would be right. We do live in a democracy after all.

Apparently, Camilla Parker Bowles was subjected to a low and slow, prolonged, emission of gas, by none other than President Biden. I am not sure if there were witnesses but she is said to have blushed on hearing the gaseous eruption.

I am surprised, after all I wouldn't think this would be the first time Mrs Bowles would be subjected to such emissions by the elderly. But then, what does one know? Perhaps royals do not produce wind. After all, there's already one royal who does not produce sweat.

Until next time, try and keep it light.

A lighter look at the news

 

It has been quite awhile since I've blogged but how can one resist when Prince Charles informs us that his Aston Martin runs on cheese and wine?

Surprisingly, I do agree with him. From personal experience, I run better on cheese and wine myself, so why should it not work on His Royal Highness's Aston Martin?

Mind you, it did put me in a quandary the other day. I discovered a mouldy piece of cheese at the back of the fridge and was torn between the petrol tank of my VW UP! or the bin.

Fortunately, one wasn't running on cheese and wine at the time, so one made the right decision and threw it in the bin.

This week, a 67 year old man on LBC radio station, called 19 year old Tilly Ramsay, who is taking part in Strictly Come Dancing, A chubby little thing. And on GMB today, Richard Madelay asked a young woman, who is a victim of drink spiking, Did you watch your drink the whole time to ensure it was safe?

Why are these misogynistic, middle aged men still giving themselves licence to talk to young women in this manner? I suggest that they be put out to pasture, where they can ruminate and exude their hot air through whichever orifice they choose.

A Facebook employee turned whistleblower, recently told us what we already knew, about the social networking company - that encouraging hateful rhetoric gets more engagement (and more money) than safer content. The company was so embarrassed, the first four letters in their name turned bright red.

They are now looking for ways to make amends and do better. After what I assume was much soul searching, they have come up with the perfect solution - change the name. Thank goodness for that. We can now all heave a sigh of relief and relax. 

Although I said earlier that the whistleblower told us everything we already knew about fb, there is one thing I confess that I did not know. I did not know that their Vice President for Global affairs is Nick Clegg. Yes Britain's very own ex-Deputy Prime Minister!

Nick Clegg and Mark Zukerberg - now, that's a match made in Heaven...or should I say the Multiverse, which apparently, is where Facebook is heading.

I don't often have second thoughts, but despite my cynicism about Facebook's name change, I actually think it might work. All they have to do is remove the third letter in the name and replace it with a 'k'. Fakebook - clear and transparent.

The suggestion/offer is free. No need for any payment at all but if Mr. Zukerberg insists, I wouldn't say no to a few shares in the forthcoming Multiverse venture. It would be rude to decline.

Talking of rude, remember the US President before Biden? The one who was impeached twice? The 'Person, woman, man, camera, TV', sharp-as-a-tac, genius, former President? Well, he's now set to launch a social media platform called 'Truth'.

I apologise but I have to end here, pick up my jaw, retreat to a corner of the room, wait for my eyebrows to descend, while clutching my ribcage, to ensure no hairline fractures occur from the resulting uncontrollable mirth that name has induced.

Until next time, try and keep it light.