Lighter side of Trump in India

I watched the news with mind numbing fascination, as Modi and Trump exchanged firm, manly handshakes. After the briefest of hesitations, they mutually gravitated towards each other for a manly embrace, although to be fair, it was more like Modi being engulfed in an orange haze.

He disappeared from sight for a few seconds, then he resurfaced just long enough to take a life affirming yogic breath, before he was once again engulfed in yet another smothering embrace from the Orange One. 

Surprisingly, for a very fundamentalist Indian Prime Minister, there was not a namaste to be had. 

I wonder if Trump would have been as affectionate if he knew what was in store for him by way of culinary delights. 

Apparently, he was served broccoli samosas. Now, I grew up in India and not once, did I ever come across, much less eat, a broccoli samosa. In fact, I don't think I ever ate broccoli. 

I am glad for the sake of the health of the nation, that India has discovered broccoli, but as far as I know, there were always two types of samosas - meat samosas and veg samosas; the veg samosas usually had delicious spiced potato filling (with occasional handfuls of peas thrown in, to bulk it up).

With the potato filling, (and at a stretch), Trump may have been fooled into thinking that it was an Indianised,  savoury pie from his favourite fast food chain.

Although, to play devil's advocate, Modi perhaps thought that broccoli might be a vegetable that Trump would be familiar with. 

He obviously didn't realise that the only encounter Trump probably has with anything edible from the plant kingdom, is the gherkin that rests on top of his daily cheeseburger.

At some point during their trip, Trump and Melania found time to visit and pose in front of the Taj Mahal.

Fortunately, he didn't try to grab her hand - wouldn't have been a nice look if she'd whacked it away, in front of the ultimate monument to undying love. Would give anything to know what she was thinking, though.

Mind you, there have been a few disgruntled comments on the fact that she chose to wear a white outfit in India. Seems like her people did not inform her that white clothing is what Hindu widows are supposed to wear. But then again, maybe they did.......

Until next time, try and keep it light.

A lighter look at the news

What, you might ask, do the Oscar awards ceremony and a Presidential re-election rally have to do with each other. Absolutely nothing, you might conclude and you would be absolutely right.

But of course, the wonder that is Donald Trump, managed to work the Oscars' into his speech in Colorado. He mocked the fact that the South Korean film, Parasite, won the Oscar for 'Best Picture'.

With blatant, gleeful xenophobia, he shared the fact that he thought at first that it had won 'best foreign film'. But he was baffled (doesn't take much) to discover that it had indeed won 'Best (overall) Picture'.

Bring back Gone with the Wind, he urged. Perhaps he has so enjoyed his encounters with the wind, that he is looking to make the leap from reality star to Hollywood star (in case things don't work out in November).

Swept with the Wind

He also appears to have not received the #bekind memo that has been trending this week.

In his unique way, he has continued bestowing what he probably thinks of as 'funny' names, to people who get under his thin skin.

Brad Pitt is the 'little wise guy',  'Crazy Bernie' (Sanders), 'Mini Mike' (Bloomberg) ... the list goes on. What does he call himself, you  might well wonder.

Well, read on and make sure you're sitting on a soft surface, as there is every possibility that your jaw may well drop to the floor.

Referring to a 100 year old war veteran who attended his rally in Arizona, Trump said, 'I don't know if he knows it, but he's, right now, the hottest celebrity in the world.' He went on, 'He might even be hotter than Trump, right now.'

First of all, slightly worrying that he spoke about himself in the third person. Apparently, illeism is usually favoured by egocentrics and oddballs (I'm saying nothing).

Secondly, also worrying that he thinks he is hot. But to be fair, he does sometimes look hot. Like in the picture below. Although, I would say less hot and more over baked.

Until next time, try and keep it light.

Once upon a time in the land of Brexit

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, the people of a country were deciding what to call their country. They really loved biscuits, so they called their country Britannia.

But they were not completely satisfied with the name, as they wanted it to be a great country, so they went to lots of places in the world and asked the natives, very politely, if they could rule their countries and the natives, very politely, said yes of course.

As the years went by, Britannia truly became great, so the people  were able to call their country Great Britannia. But then, the light bulb was invented and the countries that were being ruled by Great Britannia, started to have light bulb moments and they thought that it might be a good idea to rule their own countries.

So they very politely asked the Great Britannians if they could rule their own countries and the Great Britannians, very politely, agreed. 

Now, they were no longer the biggest and best Umpire of the game they invented, called Cricket and they missed not being the best Umpire.

So, they joined a continent called Euphoria (even though they were always part of the continent) in a Union called Euphoria Union and everyone that belonged to the Euphoria Union were very euphoric. 

But then, more countries from the continent called Euphoria, started to join the Euphoria Union and some people in Great Britannia started to be not so euphoric.

A leader called Vapid Toblerone decided to let the people decide if they wanted to stay in the Euphoria Union or not. He produced many slips of paper and urged the people to tick the box that said yes, that they would like to continue being in the Euphoria Union.

On the same slip of paper, Mr Toblerone (very reluctantly) also had a box that they could tick if they no longer wanted to be euphoric (he had to, on account of something known as democracy). 

Some people (more than Mr. Toblerone had bargained for) ticked the box that said that they did not want to be euphoric any longer. 

The eyebrows of all the Britannians shot up at this most unexpected result and most people said that Vapid Toblerone had made a pig's ear of the whole thing. 

Some people were not surprised, as he was rumoured to have whispered sweet nothings in a pig's ear before.

The upper lips of the people that did not want to stop belonging to the Euphoria Union, lost their stiffness and began to wobble. And those that did not want be in the Euphoria Union, were miraculously giddy with euphoria.

Everyone agreed that it was a very curious situation.

In the meanwhile, after the people had spoken (although no talking had taken place, just ticking of boxes), Vapid Toblerone and his wife, Placenta and their children, left the special house they lived in (with the special numeral X on it). 

The new leader was a lady known as Appeaser Tay, who tried to live up to her name and appease everyone. Alas, she appeased no one. People said that this was because her heart was not in it.

Her heart was in dance. Before she became leader, she was a  dancing queen but one day during a particularly energetic dance routine, the heel of her very special and very dear shoe, broke. Her ankle was damaged and she could no longer be a dancing queen.

Now, all she was able to do was hobble in an odd fashion while dancing. But she did try any chance she got and the people loved her for it.

That was the only thing they loved her for. So she was replaced by a man who people called Morris Paulson. 

Morris got his name because he was so patriotic, he could not stop doing the patriotic dance called Morris dancing - he constantly jumped up and down and waved his arms in the air, whooping from time to time.

All this jumping up and down made his hair look very messy. One day he jumped so high in the air, he got stuck on something called a zip wire.

The Britannians chuckled and called him a very silly man. When he became leader, he told the people that he was no longer silly and promised to never get stuck on a zip wire again. He also promised to get the job done.

Now, apparently, the job has been done. 

Although this situation is what is known as unprecedented, lots of people know what will happen. 

They have crystal balls and they look into these crystal balls and go onto the platform that is Social and tweet like birds that are cuckoo and tell the whole world what will happen next....  

Until next time, try and keep it light.