Well. Well. Well. Pardon my abuse of punctuation but this is a special occasion. President Ding Dong has been voted out. One of his sycophants now needs to pluck up the courage to tell him that the votes were not fake, the people rejoicing in the streets last night were not fake, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are not fake. The only thing that is fake is his ridiculous belief that he won the race because at the start, he was ahead.
By that logic, I would've won every single 100m sprint in school, since I always led for the first 10m. - please don't ask about the other humiliating 90m.
I think Rudy Giuliani should be up for the task. He can take a long swig from his hip flask for some extra Dutch courage and tuck in his shirt, before approaching his boss.
Maybe it's because Trump is behaving like a toddler but for some reason, this children's song keeps playing in my head. Here's a little paraphrased version:
Donnie, the Malevolent, has to pack his trunk
And say goodbye to the White House
Off he'll go with a trumpety trump
Trump, Trump, Trump!
In Britain, there is an almost immediate handover of power and residence, after an Election result has been declared.
I remember, before you could whisper Dancing Queen, Tay May was gone from No.10 Downing Street (it's a good day, so let's not talk about who moved in).
Unfortunately, that is not the case in the US and heaven knows what Donnie the Malevolent will get up to in the ensuing couple of months before he leaves the White House.
I suspect all his life, he has been enabled to warp his failures to look like triumphs. The whole world witnessed it during those ridiculous Press Briefings, to discuss the pandemic.
When he suggested injecting bleach as a possible antidote to Corona, instead of shifting her feet and gulping a lemon sized ball of embarrassment, Dr Birx should have whipped off her scarf and gagged him with it.
If that was too drastic, she could've jumped up and said, Hell no. At the very least, she could've contradicted him and suggested that it was not a good idea.
Instead the silence in the room was deafening and since some people mistake silence for consent, a few decided to try out his advice and died or were hospitalised.
The list of his misdemeanours goes on and on - too depressing to recall. Suffice to say that more than 230,000 have succumbed to Covid-19 in the US and I don't believe Trump has expressed regret or shown much empathy.
It's almost as if he has a poster in the Oval office that says : Keep Calm and carry on golfing.
Most children are hugely embarrassed by their parents. The most trivial things, cause them to dramatically die of embarrassment. But not the Trump children. It's as if being impervious to embarrassment is hard wired in their DNA.
While concerned children would take Dad aside and say that he was not only embarrassing himself but more importantly, embarrassing them, the Trump children turn it into a family sport.
Especially those two goons he has for sons, who pose triumphantly with majestic wildlife animals that they have destroyed and post tweets that rival their father's tweets in dishonesty and hate inciting rhetoric.
I can only imagine the deep sense of the relief felt by the 74 million people who voted for Biden/Harris.
As for the other 70 million voters, if you are depressed and wondering how to cope, here's some advice from a friend. (I confess to initially thinking that the first two words on the t-shirt were warnings of the scent emanating from each underarm).
Hopefully, BBQ washed down with lots of Beer will help ease the pain and, whether you believe it or not, Freedom is on its way.
Finally, if everything seems surreal and you're questioning your ability to comprehend what is going on, here's a simple test for you, shared by a fine gentleman with the rest of the world, not too long ago.
Just memorize the new and improved version of this cognitive test:
Person?
Woman!
Until next time, try and keep it light.
