The lighter look at the news

 

Last Friday, I was excited that NASA were excited to tell us that we would be excited about the exciting news that they were going to share with us, regarding the Moon.

So exciting was this piece of news, that they made us wait a whole weekend before sharing it (lest we faint with excitement from lack of preparedness).

Well, I spent the whole weekend coming up with exciting possibilities - Perhaps Richard Branson was secretly quarantining on the moon.

Perhaps a cow had been sighted jumping over the moon (while here on Earth, a dish was seen running  away with a spoon).

Perhaps a certain President was to be given a one way ticket to the moon, in a few days.

Perhaps Kim Kardashian was planning to have a 40th Birthday bash on the Moon. Her husband Ye (the miracle man), could easily make that happen.

Finally, the weekend passed and we were told the exciting news -  they had discovered water on the surface of the Moon.

I can't say that I was over the moon with the news, simply because we were previously told that there was water on Mars. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that they should've started with the Moon and then moved further afield.

Please don't ask me how they made that discovery - I don't have anymore weekends to spare.

Melania Trump recently spoke at one of her husband's rallies, about keeping safe during this pandemic. The huddled, mask-less crowd cheered widely at the end, while irony lost its will to live.

To give credit where credit is due, Mel was ahead of her time when it came to hand holding.                                                                          

At another rally (they are coming fast and very furious) we were taken back a few decades, as the Stepford wives in the crowd received a special message from their leader.

Disappointing as it is that Kim Kardashian did not celebrate her birthday on the Moon, she did however post a couple of tweets about her 40th birthday celebrations. The first was:

I think after two weeks of tests, the bigger surprise would be if there wasn't a surprise at the end of it. She also tweeted:

Don't you love it when someone tweets their humbleness after telling us how fabulous their lives are?

Finally, on this Halloween day, here's  Pumpkinhead talking about his distant relative.

Until next time, take care, stay safe and even though it can be a challenge, try and keep it light. 

 

A lighter look at random thoughts

 

It is almost the penultimate month of the year and as November beckons, I can't help thinking about this time last year.

I remember at the time, reading a post somewhere that said, 'Don't ask me about next year, I don't have 20/20 vision'. 

Then, I thought it was clever and cute. Now I think, just as well because the words to 'Auld Lang Sang' while ringing in 2020, would've taken on a different meaning and there would not be enough champagne to wash away your 20/20 vision or psychic ability.

One thought led to another and being the original person that I am, I decided to call them random thoughts. And, lucky you, I've decided to share them.

Before 2020, if I saw someone wearing a mask on public transport (apologies to Japanese tourists), I'd think hypochondriac. Now I see someone on public transport without a mask and the air in the thought bubble above my head turns blue.

Before 2020, if someone asked me if I'd like a Corona, I'd say yes please, with a slice of lemon if you have it. Now if someone asked me the same question, I'd give them the death stare, while sucking on a slice of lemon to top up my vitamin C.

Before 2020,  we spoke about three tiered wedding cakes. Now, we speak about three tiered lockdowns. And, unlike wedding cake, no one wants a fourth tier.

Before 2020, if I heard the song YMCA, I thought Village People. Now I hear YMCA and think, Village Idiot.

Before 2020, the word Zoom meant an unofficial measure of speed. Now of course, Zoom means video calls. Alas, to some men of a certain age, Zoom also means multi tasking.

CNN reporter Jeffrey Toobin recently proved that most men simply can't multi task. (I am not going to comment on his surname, even though I am solely tempted to).

Before 2020, Hydroxychloroquin meant I was taking a trip to India and had to swallow those godawful anti-malaria tablets for a whole month.

Now, it brings this to mind...

A month of anti-malarial tablets does not seem so bad now.

Here's another random thought. In Goa, some parents try to compete with each other when giving their poor children original names. One way of doing this, is to combine parts of both the parents' names.

For example, if a Peter and a Mary have a child, they might call it Mapet. Only joking, it's not that bad. They'd probably call it Petry.

This leaves me to wonder, if either 19 years ago or last year, a Conceicao and a David were blessed with a baby and named him Covid. Not beyond the realms of possibility that there is an original Covid-19 somewhere in Goa.

Finally, while most people found the final US Presidential debate a tad boring, I beg to differ. I did learn something. I learnt that Trump is capable of telling the truth.

He did say to Biden, and I quote, I know more about wind than you do. Which, you will agree, is the truth. He is, after all, a vessel for it. 

And here, for your entertainment, is President Windbag, playing his invisible accordion at the debate.

                                   

  Until next time, try and keep it light.

 

The Mighty Fly

 

Gertie in happier times

You may or may not have heard of the rhyme about an old woman who swallowed a fly. The author has no idea why she swallowed a fly and wonders if perhaps she'll die. To which I would say, 'Don't be daft'.

Anyone who has ever had a cold beer on a hot day, knows that you have to compete with at least one fly for every sip of beer and occasionally, in a bid to outrace the fly, you may well end up swallowing the damn thing. Perhaps you'll die? Highly unlikely. Perhaps you'll gag.

Up until last year, that was more or less my experience with flies. Annoying when you drink beer and even more annoying when you're a child and have to memorise every darn thing that an eccentric old woman is supposed to have swallowed.

(Apparently, she opened her throat and swallowed a goat. How on earth did she manage that? She is very lucky that the goat did not swallow her first, considering their penchant for swallowing anything that comes their way).

Now, you may remember a blog I posted in 2018, about my close encounter(s) with a fly called Gertie. If you'd like to read it, here's the link: https://to-rave-or-to-rant.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-fly-in-ointment.html

If you'd like a nutshell version: Gertie was a fly who invaded my bathroom and treated it like her personal sauna. Spoiler alert - there was no happy ending.

Anyway, Gertie did love the finer things in life and I am convinced that her progeny discovered cruise liners and at least one of them took a trip on one, across the pond.

If they are anything like their Great Grandmother Gertie (600 times removed), they would probably be mischievous dare devils and one of them could very well have tried to gate crash the Presidential debate, to be a fly on the wall and make history in the Kingdom of Flies.

However, seeing that it was more a debacle than a debate, not to mention the spitstorm the Orange man was whipping up, along with his accompanying  arms and rather small hands, flaying about like a couple of fly swatters, Gretchen (I like naming my flies) probably beat a hasty retreat. 

But they are not Gertie's progeny for nothing and undeterred (and to finish what Grandma Gretchen had started), Gretchen XVII, hitch hiked her way to Utah for the Vice Presidential debate. 

It was calm, bordering on the slightly boring. Gretchen XVII did not travel all the way to Utah to be bored, so she decided to get her 15 seconds of fame and recklessly plonk herself on one of the human's heads. 

She chose to sit on the male human's head. She did this for two reasons. The female human made some very interesting facial expressions that Gretchen XVII found fascinating and entertaining in equal measure.

By contrast the male human had no expression at all. Gretchen XVII wanted to find out if squatting on his head would change that. It did not. She chose well. Because she did not just get 15 seconds of fame. 

She got 2 minutes 3 seconds.

By the way, if you hadn't heard of the old woman who swallowed a fly and you're wondering how it ended, she got overambitious - she tried a horse, she's dead of course. Silly old woman. Should've stopped at the cow.

Until next time, try and keep it light.