The Mighty Fly

 

Gertie in happier times

You may or may not have heard of the rhyme about an old woman who swallowed a fly. The author has no idea why she swallowed a fly and wonders if perhaps she'll die. To which I would say, 'Don't be daft'.

Anyone who has ever had a cold beer on a hot day, knows that you have to compete with at least one fly for every sip of beer and occasionally, in a bid to outrace the fly, you may well end up swallowing the damn thing. Perhaps you'll die? Highly unlikely. Perhaps you'll gag.

Up until last year, that was more or less my experience with flies. Annoying when you drink beer and even more annoying when you're a child and have to memorise every darn thing that an eccentric old woman is supposed to have swallowed.

(Apparently, she opened her throat and swallowed a goat. How on earth did she manage that? She is very lucky that the goat did not swallow her first, considering their penchant for swallowing anything that comes their way).

Now, you may remember a blog I posted in 2018, about my close encounter(s) with a fly called Gertie. If you'd like to read it, here's the link: https://to-rave-or-to-rant.blogspot.com/2018/08/a-fly-in-ointment.html

If you'd like a nutshell version: Gertie was a fly who invaded my bathroom and treated it like her personal sauna. Spoiler alert - there was no happy ending.

Anyway, Gertie did love the finer things in life and I am convinced that her progeny discovered cruise liners and at least one of them took a trip on one, across the pond.

If they are anything like their Great Grandmother Gertie (600 times removed), they would probably be mischievous dare devils and one of them could very well have tried to gate crash the Presidential debate, to be a fly on the wall and make history in the Kingdom of Flies.

However, seeing that it was more a debacle than a debate, not to mention the spitstorm the Orange man was whipping up, along with his accompanying  arms and rather small hands, flaying about like a couple of fly swatters, Gretchen (I like naming my flies) probably beat a hasty retreat. 

But they are not Gertie's progeny for nothing and undeterred (and to finish what Grandma Gretchen had started), Gretchen XVII, hitch hiked her way to Utah for the Vice Presidential debate. 

It was calm, bordering on the slightly boring. Gretchen XVII did not travel all the way to Utah to be bored, so she decided to get her 15 seconds of fame and recklessly plonk herself on one of the human's heads. 

She chose to sit on the male human's head. She did this for two reasons. The female human made some very interesting facial expressions that Gretchen XVII found fascinating and entertaining in equal measure.

By contrast the male human had no expression at all. Gretchen XVII wanted to find out if squatting on his head would change that. It did not. She chose well. Because she did not just get 15 seconds of fame. 

She got 2 minutes 3 seconds.

By the way, if you hadn't heard of the old woman who swallowed a fly and you're wondering how it ended, she got overambitious - she tried a horse, she's dead of course. Silly old woman. Should've stopped at the cow.

Until next time, try and keep it light.