Another look at covidiots

Has anyone noticed how this global Coronavirus Pandemic has led to the global increase in self certified 'medics'? 

These newly qualified virologists from the  Medical College of Universal Quacks, apparently know (and unfortunately insist on sharing) how to defeat covid-19.

I will concede, however, that there appears to be a smidgen of self awareness in some of these perpetrators of false hope.

They are the people who usually have friends in high places and therefore are privy to their information - A medical professor in Vienna or someone specialising in virology from Harvard University or a consultant from The Princess of Wales Hospital.

These highly regarded medical professionals apparently can't get their Governments to listen, so they contact Joe Blog to spread their priceless information.

Joe Blog then forwards the message to Mary Blog, who forwards it to Vladmir Blog, who forwards it to Deepak Blog....you get the picture.

Rena Blog has never forwarded any of them but confesses to reading them. OMG, I have just spoken about myself in the third person. I have been watching too many briefings by President Orange-a-Tan...HELP!!!

Seriously, I thought it might be worthwhile (because time is not that much of the essence these days) to have a look at some of these cures/remedies floating around in the ether.


Place half an onion in a corner of each room in your house. 
As if things aren't bad enough being cooped up indoors, you now have the all pervasive, pungent, eye watering smell of onions in every corner of your home. 

The science behind this, apparently, is that the onion absorbs all the bacteria and viruses around.

If that is true, that innocent looking onion in the corner of your room will have turned into a deadly hazard (so please don't be tempted to add it to your food if you run out of onions). 

And whether you realise it or not, a symbiotic relationship has developed between you and Onion in the corner (sorry Baby).

Onion absorbs your bacteria and viruses while you absorb and spread onion's fragrance.

Before you know it, you smell like a member of the Allium family and you will be delighted to know that your very close relative, Garlic, is also purported to be a cure for Covid.

Now, most of us know that a clove of garlic a day, consumed in the form of a tablet or raw (the way God and your friends did not intend it) is meant to have health benefits. 

Unfortunately, some people mistake a clove for a pod and consume pods of garlic with the anticipation of someone expecting a visit from Dracula.

Covid may sound like a Transylvanian vampire but it is a virus. The one plus point here, is that you don't have to worry about social distancing, most people will smell you coming a mile away.

Then there's the remedy that suggests that you tip your head back, squirt some water in each nostril, plug in your hairdryer and fire up!

The first flaw here is that corona heads for the lungs not the sinuses. It also requires very high heat to destroy it. 

Anyway, in the interest of research, I thought I'd give it a go (you cannot say that I don't go above and beyond).

You will be happy to know that I did come up with some positives.

For the duration of the process, I did not think of Covid a single time - I was too busy dealing with the nasal liquid hell I was plunged in.

It could also be the gateway to a diy nose job. If you are unhappy with the size, shape or indeed the colour of your nose, just continue for longer than I did and voila! Rhinoplasty accomplished in your own home.

disclaimer: I am in no way responsible nor have I encouraged the above stated idiotic process. The participant is being a covidiot at their own risk.

Here's another positive. You end up with luscious, shiny, dry nasal hair. A quick inter dental brush and you'll have very well groomed nostrils. May I suggest a close up nostril pic for your Instagram.

If that catches, I can see myself patenting slim tampon sized nasal hair dryers (with detachable brushes at an extra cost). 

They were right when they said that this lock down will bring out the creative side in all of us. Investors please form an orderly virtual queue while observing social distancing guidelines.

Finally, guess who is racing, uncontested, to the top of the list of covidiots who are offering untested/unverified remedies?

Be warned, his voice softens and takes on a seductive tone every time he mentions a certain medication. Quite shocking how it rolls off his tongue, when most two syllable words are a challenge.

He has also advised the American people to wear face masks although, personally, he is choosing not to wear one. Apparently it is not becoming of a President of his status to be in the Oval office, sit behind his resolute desk and greet Presidents, Kings, Queens and other high ranking diplomats, with a mask on.

Did President Dory forget about social distancing when saying that?

Any Kings, Queens, Prime Ministers and other important people that he speaks to, will be at the other end of a phone or a screen and no mask will be required for the task (and a task it will be for the poor unfortunate soul at the other end).

Mind you, it does not have to be a mask - it can be a scarf he assured everyone at least twenty five times, with accompanying little hand circular gestures.

Or perhaps in his case, that extra long red tie he likes to sport. Get Melania to help tie it, taking particular care to secure it tightly across the mouth region, just to make sure that no germs enter in and no words escape.

Well, I hope you are all having a peaceful 'Easter Palm' - we are really getting an education from this man these days.

Until next time, take care and stay safe.