A look at the news

We are in our fourth week of lock down and unlike the first week, the happy clappy Polyannas on steroids, appear to have calmed down. 

No more viral videos of women dressing up in faux furs and stilettos to take out the trash or families virtually linking arms and singing a hit song, with the lyrics cleverly changed to make us laugh and no more videos of Mums indulging in day drinking, vowing to never take their children's teachers for granted again.

The joviality has dampened with the realisation that this uninvited, invisible, spikey guest is not going anywhere in a hurry. And when it does leave, it will no doubt leave emotional, psychological and financial destruction in its wake.

I was watching a comedian on youtube today (can't remember who it was but they are keeping me sane) and he said that his 5 year old promised not to hug the Easter Bunny if she saw it. 

I do apologise.... this is hardly 'lighter' news but if you are astute (and you obviously are), you will notice that I have stopped calling this the lighter news.

Having said that, this next bit is fairly light and feel good. If you are not in the mood for a feel good story, close your eyes for this bit but I encourage you to open them for the bit after this because I can assure you that it is anything but feel good.

Ten years ago in a zoo in Hong Kong, the zoo keepers decided to try their hand at match making. 

They introduced two pandas and left them in an enclosure to get to know each other. Unfortunately, there appeared to be no chemistry between them.

The zoo keepers tried really hard.. They played Getting To Know You, followed by Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On, but to no avail.

Apparently, Pandas have to be attracted to each other. So, perhaps she did not think he was too sexy for his fur or he did not find the rings under her eyes darkly come hither enough. We'll never know.

Anyway, the two pandas, Ying Ying and Le Le settled on a platonic relationship (not sure about the names, perhaps there was an echo in the enclosure when they were being named).

Fast forward ten years and enter the current era of corona. Those pesky two legged creatures, known as humans, have stopped coming to gawk at Ying Ying and Le Le. 

The peace is probably intoxicating, as they both appear to have donned on beer goggles and have started mating as if there is no tomorrow. 

I think that is sooo cute.And surprising. Of all the animals in the world, I would've thought that the Panda would be the least self conscious. After all, they sit around eating bamboo shoots all day and proudly own their body weight.

They could also have (mis)heard that the epidemic was called a Pandamic .....nothing like an egotistical boost to get the libido going.

Moving on from the feel good pandas to the not-so-feel good Orange-a-tan. 

Just when you think the man cannot make your jaw drop any lower, he says something and you hear the crack of your mandible hitting the floor.

I honestly thought he could not top the cringing embarrassment of the seductive whispering of 'hydroxychloroquine, try it' but one day later, he did.

Cover your ears because I am going to rant now.......

How could he not know that antibiotics do not help with viral infections !!!?? How many shades of stupid do you have to be to reach the age of  73 years, have numerous children and not know that one simple fact.

His late eminent scientist uncle (Dr) John, that he bragged about, must be spinning like a top at the moment.

Anyway, the gift that keeps giving, had yet another press briefing, followed by a meltdown of such proportion, I half expected to see a puddle of Fanta by the podium. I also half expected to see Mike Pence approach the podium with a straw.

To start with, there was, what can only be described as a propaganda video of sycophants lauding their leader. Not to mention, the 'leader' unabashedly preening and pointing like an unattractive peacock.

I thought we were going to catch a break and not listen to him tout his latest drug of choice but approximately 1 hour and forty six minutes into the press briefing, that magic word was uttered....

And finally ......

Just stick a cigar in the corner of his mouth, jam a stetson over his toupee, mount him on a horse and it will be like watching a spaghetti western.....just in case you have exhausted all your Netflix shows.

At the moment there is yet another live press briefing being held and Mr Trump has already demanded that a journalist be quiet, has called another journalist a showboat and threatened to leave if he (the journalist) continued talking.

Unfortunately, the journalist acquiesced, so I'm going to leave.

Until next time, stay safe.