A fly in the ointment

I don't know about you, but I am a 'shower in the evening' kind of person. I don't see the point in sliding out of clean sheets in the morning and jumping into the shower, only to collect dust and grime through the day, not to mention taking said dust and grime to bed at the end of the day.

Not that I am judging....just expressing my opinion. Anyway, I was getting ready for my shower a few evenings ago, when lo and behold, there appeared a house fly.

I opened the bathroom windows in an attempt to encourage it to leave. I waited patiently, as it messed with me, appearing to head towards the open window, only to swerve like a Red Devil at the last minute and do a somersault above my head, buzzing all the time.

At some point I must've blinked because it disappeared. Being the optimist that I am, I concluded that it must've forgotten to swerve and ended up flying out of the window.

Before it could fly back in, I hastily closed the windows. I got into the shower feeling quite pleased with myself but as I pulled the shower curtain, guess who joined me in the shower?

Having craftily hidden in the folds of the shower curtain,  Gertie was now in full volume. Yes, I named it. I couldn't possibly share a shower with a stranger.

Not sure why I chose the name 'Gertie'; possibly because it rhymes with 'dirty'. Apologies to anyone called Gertie who may be reading this. But don't complain to me, talk to your Parents.

I ended up having the most frazzled shower of my life. My attempts at aiming the shower nozzle at Gertie only resulted in water ending up on the bathroom walls and ceiling. In fact, everywhere except on the damn fly.

After the quickest shower known to mankind, I got out of the bathroom, shut the door and decided to be the 'bigger' person. Feeling like a Zen master in training, I channelled my inner Buddhist and decided to let Gertie live out its 24 hours on this planet.

I decided to use another bathroom. Fast forward 24 hours, and I got ready to have my shower. I looked for Gertie and alas!(hypocritical, I know, but I was still channelling my inner Buddhist) I saw its lifeless body on the window sill.

I went to pick it up, when it did a Lazarus on me, buzzing in delighted anticipation.Why the 'anticipation' you might ask? 

Well, I realised that between the heat and the tepid water, I was creating a tropical paradise for Gertie.

It was having the best of both worlds. Had it lived in a tropical country, it would have had to face the inevitable danger of its arch enemy, the fly swat.

I broke my own record for the quickest shower known to mankind, and got the hell out of the bathroom.

Fast forward yet another 24 hours. I stepped into the bathroom and the Methuselah of the fly kingdom rose to greet me. I did not care. I was as smug as Gertie's close cousin, the bug. I had invested in a pair of water proof ear plugs.

Not sure if I imagined it but I thought I saw Gertie's wings droop a little with disappointment. It did not last long because my shower did and Gertie deliriously basked in the tropical paradise I'd once again created for her.

After my shower, I was subjected to Gertie's 'gratitude' dance. Ear plugs still in place, I was able to ignore it. Next, Gertie got flirty as it buzzed sweet nothings in my ear. Still no reaction from me.

Not used to this lack of attention, Gertie decided to take it one step further and perched between my eyes. 

Now, we are all told that when one sense is disabled, the other senses are sharpened. That goes for reflexes too, I guess.

Before I could stop myself, my hand slapped my forehead and just like that, Gertie was gone  (along with my aspirations to be a Zen Master).

I consoled myself that in house fly years, Gertie was probably 300 years old.

I stuck my face out of the window to respectfully scrape off what was left of Gertie. As I did so, Gertie no.2 and her friend Bertie flew in. Talk about instant Karma....