To Rave or to Rant?
A lighter take on the news... a blog about personal observations on life as it unfolds, the good (rave), the bad (rant) and the in between (ravant).
Thursday 29 August 2024
A lighter look at the news (in quite sometime)
Wednesday 13 July 2022
A lighter side of the news
Sunday 13 March 2022
A lighter look at the news
Wednesday 10 November 2021
A lighter look at the news
This may not be popular, particularly in recent times, but I have a confession to make - I am an anti-waxxer. And before you ask, no, it's not a typo. If you started reading this because you thought that I was a fellow anti-vaxxer, please stop now and go get yourself inoculated (maybe that word will work).
I am an anti-waxxer simply because I cannot imagine why in the world anyone would want to pour molten lava on their legs and other delicate parts of their body - like their arm pits (didn't think I was going to say that, did you)? The only hot brown liquid I will tolerate (dare I say, even enjoy) is if the word Brazilian is followed by the word coffee.
I am not saying that women should necessarily sport the hairy Mary look (although I have great admiration for those who go down that path). All I am saying is that, it is as if at some point women thought monthly cramps and labour pains weren't enough, they had to incorporate some more painful challenges into their lives. Cue, hot wax and strips of fabric.
I have just one word to suggest an alternative - razors. That God given implement (apologies to Wilkinson if they beat God to it), widely used by men to get rid of unwanted hair.
At this point, I feel a full disclosure is in order. My legs and arms are pretty much hairless. But before you go hating me, my upper lip, if left unattended, would give Tom Selleck a run for his money!
If you're wondering about my uncharacteristic mental ruminations, I recently had an eye operation and wasn't able to do a lot, except listen to podcasts and ruminate. Now that I am healing, lucky you, I can share my ruminations (I promise that's the last time I'm going to use that word, not least because I'm beginning to feel like a cow).
Now, back to my usual rant. As I mentioned, I had an eye operation, which of course meant that I had a couple of visits to the hospital. During those visits, not once did I see a single person, be they patient or staff, unmasked. Not one single person.
So you can imagine how irate I was this week to see that bumbling bloke we call our Prime Minister, walk through a hospital corridor without a mask.
Not even a token mask under his chin or dangling from his ear, to give the impression, false though it be, that he had just removed it.
Such a shame that one of the staff, who he merrily elbowed by way of greeting as he strode down the hospital corridor, didn't miss and get his chin instead (and alas, he wouldn't even have had the protection of a chin mask).
I have a suggestion for the next time he visits a hospital and goes mask less - have him zipwire through the corridors. And if lightening strikes again....
Thursday 21 October 2021
A lighter look at the news
Wednesday 14 July 2021
A lighter look at the news
After last week's deep and heavy (for me) post, I thought I'd keep it light this week...well, light-ish.
I thought I'd write about the three Bs. Actually two of them are double Bs and one's an M.
I'll start with the M - Boris Johnson. If you recall (I flatter myself) my blog last week was about the England Football Team taking the knee. At the time, our PM refused to censure those who booed whilst they did so. Some people might say that not condemning such behaviour implied complicity.
In the aftermath of the distressing and disgusting racial slurs and violence that followed England's defeat at the Euro 2021 finals, Boris Johnson decided to tweet against the racist behaviour of those fans.
Racism can be viewed as a huge gaping wound and like most gaping wounds, it needs protective covering to prevent infection. No one was asking the PM to kneel alongside the England team (heaven forbid) but calling for the spectators to show respect and for the booing to stop, may have at least provided a flimsy bandage. Instead, he belatedly shows up, waving a teensy plaster.
Amidst the revolting behaviour, there were heartening moments. One of them was the quick covering up of the graffiti on Marcus Rashford's mural, with flags, posters, words of praise and messages of appreciation.
In the meanwhile, the other two (double) Bs, Branson and Bezos were revving up their rockets. Branson managed to beat Bezos in this space race. His Virgin rocket took him to the edge of space and lasted all of 59 minutes, with just a few minutes of weightlessness.
Branson's Virgin Galactic Rocket |
Bezos' rocket is yet to take off. Well done Branson. At least England won something on Sunday.
When he was up there, Branson had this special message, 'To all you kids down there, I was once a child with a dream, looking up to the stars.'
To which, the parents of the kids down here may well reply, 'To all you billionaires up there and down here, please give our children a better chance of realising their dreams...start paying taxes.'
Bezos is set to fly on 20th July. I am not sure if his rocket will take him further than Branson's rocket.
I do have a concern though. I hope Bezos doesn't stick his head out of his rocket while in space - we mere mortals on Planet Earth might well think we're looking up at two moons.
Bezos' Blue Origin New Shepard Rocket |
Before I finish, if you haven't guessed it, the 'M' stands for millionaire and the 'B's for billionaires but if you thought otherwise, I wouldn't blame you.
Until next time, try and keep it as light as if you were floating in space.
Sunday 11 July 2021
Taking the knee
Saturday 26 June 2021
A lighter look at the news
Instead of rapping the knuckles of Matt Hancock's once splayed hands (which, alas, I can't unsee), good old Boris has accepted his apology and has declared the matter closed. In a world of decent, good, human beings, how did we end up with these goofballs governing us?
One might argue that it is between Hancock and his wife and the aide and her husband. But it isn't. He is our Health Minister and the last time I checked, covid-19 hadn't checked out.
The pandemic, which is sprouting variants, is still around and our Lothario of a health minister (a week ago, you would've knocked me down with a cue tip if you'd told me I'd be using that word to describe him) never tired of telling us to wear masks, socially distance ourselves from one another and wash our hands. I can only hope he did the latter (while singing 'Happy Birthday' for twenty seconds) before splaying them on the aide's lower back (I am being polite).
To be fair to Hancock, he does seem like the type who's easily confused. Perhaps he thought that the Government had resurrected its 'Eat out to help out' scheme and he was only doing his bit to help.
One might wonder how Mrs Hancock is handling the situation. Apparently, she coiffured her hair and took her dog out for a walk. Her actual dog, not her husband. She may well take him for a walk later. Possibly, to the cleaners.
Across the pond, an employee of the former President (the one who didn't lose the election 😂) is under investigation. His name is Mathew Calamari. I looked closely at his picture but couldn't tell if he's battered, breaded or stewed. He does, however, appear to have tentacles above his upper lip.
Until next time, try and keep it light.
Monday 3 May 2021
A lighter look at the news
Sunday 11 April 2021
A lighter look at the news
Friday 19 February 2021
A lighter look at the news
Donald Trump who is, in President Biden's words, 'the former guy', got impeached for the second time and then got acquitted. The most regrettable part about him getting acquitted, is that he has found his voice again. For a few weeks, he was quiet and it was bliss. Never was the saying silence is golden more apt (you can look for a pun in there if you like).
There was an almost audible, peaceful global sigh, as we all took a break from listening to mocking nicknames, nasty comments and misleading lies about imagined landslide victories.
Then came the acquittal and alas, the voice is back. Once again, the media have started covering him almost incessantly. The irony that I am grumbling about his media coverage, whilst writing about him, is not lost on me. However, I am a blogger, expressing my irritation, not part of big time mainstream media.
Meanwhile, Texas is undergoing unexpected, dreadful wintery conditions, with no power and broken/frozen water pipes. In the midst of all this misery, their senator, Ted Cruz decided to hop on a plane with his family, to Cancun.
When he was discovered and the proverbial hit the frozen fan, he shielded himself behind his children. He claimed that they were the ones who wanted to go to Cancun and, good dad that he is, he obliged. (Someone give the man a Father of the decade trophy).
In fact, he should have sat his two daughters down and explained that as a Senator, it would be the ethical thing for him and his family to stay and go through the same hardship, as the people that elected him.
Yes, pigs would probably be flapping around in gilded wings before that would happen.
Talking about gilded wings, I noticed that a few people thought it was funny to taunt Cruz by calling him Rafael...apparently his whole name is Rafael Edward Cruz.
I happen to not think that it is funny. Raphael is the name of one of the original archangels and this man is anything but an angel. Now, if his first name was Lucifer...that would be funny.
Not all news is doom and gloom this week. Harry and Meghan are expecting their second child. Now you might say, what on earth difference does it make to anyone, other than them. I agree. But many don't.
You only have to mention Meghan's name and the professional haters here in the UK (otherwise known as the gutter press) start foaming at the mouth and bringing up their all too familiar vitriol, followed by the usual online trolling.
Unfortunately, before the inexplicable rage had a chance to dissipate, it came to light that Meghan and Harry were going to be interviewed by Oprah. The bilious floodgates were once again flung open and Piers Morgan emerged... imploring her Majesty to strip this couple of every title they possess and assuring her that the British people would not mind.
Just want to say two things to Piers Morgan (or Fierce Jargon as I call him).
First of all, if I ever need a spokesperson, you are the very last person I would choose to speak on my behalf. Secondly, when are you going to realise that drinking verbal poison and expecting it to harm this couple, is ludicrous and not a pleasant sight.
Before I end, I have a question for all the online haters. What happened to the #bekind that was trending after Caroline Flack took her life?
Perhaps it's naïve and silly of me not to realise that it had a short expiration date.
Until next time, try and keep it light.
post scriptum. Hear ye, hear ye. It is hereby declared that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second, does payeth heed to Piers Morgan the First (and hopefully the last) and has decreed that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex shall be stripped of their titles. They will hereby and henceforth be addressed as Harry and Meghan, names that they have hitherto been called on account of said names being bestowed to them at birth.
A royal correspondent explained that the decision to strip Harry and Meghan of their titles had something to do with geography.
Makes me wonder...if a certain non-perspiring, prince crosses the pond to the same geographic location, to assist the FBI, would they lose their title as well?
Just idle curiosity, that's all.
Sunday 24 January 2021
Ding, dong, the King is gone!
King Frump ruled his country for almost four years. Alas! During those four years, King Frump had forgotten that he wasn't actually the King of the country that he ruled. In fact, his country practised something known as democracy.
King Frump didn't like that word, on account of it meaning that people got to choose who could rule them and King Frump only liked the dimly frumpy people who liked him and wanted him to rule them forever.
The people who were dimly frumpy and wanted King Frump to rule them forever, got very cross with the people who liked democracy and wanted to choose whether King Frump should continue ruling them or whether Toe Hidin' should rule them. (They wanted Toe Hidin' on account of him being kinder than King Frump, who was only kind to himself and his daughter).
This made King Frump so apoplectic with crossness, that foam and froth started to bubble from his mouth. Some people said that it wasn't crossness that was causing this. They said that he was drinking too much of his special drink known as covfefe
King Frump, who was a very clever man on account of the jeans he inherited from his scientist uncle, came up with a plan. He told the people that if he won, it would be fair and if he didn't win, it would be unfair.
The dimly frumpy people, who preferred a demagogue to democracy, thought that this was a very clever plan.
King Frump went on the platform that was social and tweeted his clever plan, many, many times. The people who liked Toe Hidin' and democracy, said that King Frump's clever plan was excrement from a bull.
Mr. Hidin's assistant, Tabla Paris told everyone that he would be a marvellous King, even though he had a toe that was shy. People believed her on account of her being very clever. She was cleverer than King Frump because she inherited her jeans from her mother.
King Frump's assistant, Bike Fence was unable to help him. People said that he once took a swipe at a fly and that the ghost of the fly now stalked him. Even Mother could not help him get rid of the fly.
But that didn't matter, on account of there being many people who were happy to spread Frump's excrement from a bull. One of them was a woman called Dayleigh Macaroni, so called, on account of her using words that were twisted like macaroni, every day, when she spoke to the people with microphones and cameras.
Meanwhile, King Frump's wife, MelonYa? confided in a friend that she no longer wanted duck at Christmas. She was also sad that people thought that she did not think about anything, so she decided to think about something.
After thinking about many things, she decided to think about bullying. She called it MeBest, in honour of herself and her husband, who was also the King of bullies. (Many people said that no one could bully like him. He was the best bully there ever was.)
The day of Selection came around and the people chose who they wanted to rule them for the next four years. It was not King Frump - it was Toe Hidin'.
All the people in the Kingdom, who loved democracy, rejoiced.
This made King Frump lose the two hinges that kept him together. He kept mounting the platform that was social, and like an angry bird, he tweeted even more excrement.
The dimly frumpy people believed King Frump's angry bird tweets. They got violently dangerous and stormed up an important house on a hill, where there were lots of important people.
This dismayed the un-frumpy people, on account of their Kingdom now starting to look like it only sold bananas.
All this made the owner of the platform that was social, very cross and King Frump got pushed off the platform forever.
Alas! King Frump was not banished from the Kingdom. He still lives in the Kingdom, in F-a-r-t-o-go with MelonYa?
All the people (except for the dimly frumpy people) are happy that he does not live in the Bright House.
Toe Hidin' lives there now, with his wife, Dr Pill (so called, on account of her being a tonic to everyone who meets her) and the Bright House is shining brighter than ever.
Before leaving the Bright House, King Frump once again tried to impersonate a peach. And once again, Fancy Pay-Lucy was having none of it.
King Frump had a final wish as a king - he wanted the people to do something to remember him forever. They decided to dedicate this rhyme to him...
Ding, dong bell
Frumpy's in the well
Who put him in?
Fancy Pay-Lucy thin
Who'll pull him out?
No one... he's way too stout!
Until next time, try and keep it light.