Apparently, Bake Off's 52 year old Paul Hollywood is dating a woman 30 years his junior. Just to confirm, in case your Maths is not up to scratch, he is dating a 22 year old woman.
Apparently, Mr. Blue Eyes met her at a pub where she worked as a barmaid and where he'd gone to arrange a surprise party for his then wife.
I'm sure that wasn't the kind of 'surprise' his wife was looking forward to. Nevertheless, let it be a lesson to all of us.
If you know that your husband is arranging a surprise party (and you will always know, there isn't a man alive who is canny enough to pull off a surprise party for his wife without her knowing) make sure it is at your home, where trust worthy family and friends are involved - not 22 year old barmaids.
An added bonus is that you will be clued in and can work on your Oscar winning 'very pleasantly surprised' facial expression and reaction.
But then again, not many husbands are millionaire celebrity bakers with piercing blue eyes, that manage to hypnotise 22 year old women, so you are probably safe in a pub or restaurant. Less tidying and washing up to do.
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| The one that (almost) got away..... |
From what I can gather, Mr McQueen wasn't keen on ending up in one of my curries, casseroles or as a perfectly crisped up roast potato. So he forged a plan.
He retreated to the further-est corner in my vegetable cupboard and cooked up his Great Escape.
He grew appendages, although I am unsure whether he intended to morph into a spider or an octopus. Possibly the former, as there would be better opportunity to crawl out of my cupboard rather than swim out of it.
To cut a short story even shorter, Stevie Mac (as I affectionately called him during our 10 minute acquaintance), is now happily rotting in peace in my compost bin.
Talking of potato heads, Greg Wallace has managed to annoy a whole nation and no, it's not Britain, he has been doing that to us for years. It's Malaysia.
Greg was scathing on MasterChef, while critiquing a Rendang cooked by a lady of Malaysian origin.
On the off chance that you reside under a rock and only come out to read my blog (I flatter myself) and you haven't heard of 'MasterChef', it is a cooking program on TV.
Participants jump through culinary hoops in a bid to win the 'MasterChef' title.
In Britain, there are two 'Judges', one is a chef called John Torode and the other....how can I put this politely - I can't, so I won't - is a glorified greengrocer called Greg Wallace.
As the show has gone from strength to strength, so has Mr. Wallace's ego and facial contortions.
Coming back to the incident that sparked a nation's fury, a contestant cooked a Rendang (chicken - or any other meat - stewed in coconut milk and spices). Mr W took one bite and declared that the skin wasn't 'crispy'.
Unfortunately, he did not stop there (he rarely does). He proceeded to chide her over the fact that he would like to taste the sauce but he couldn't, as all the sauce was on the skin.
Now, I am not a bad cook (if I do say so myself) but when I cook a Goan chicken curry (coconut milk and spices), it would take a miracle for the chicken to have crispy skin.
This is what I shouted at Mr. Wallace via the medium of television. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. The entire global Malaysian population, including the Malaysian Prime Minister, erupted on social media.
Did Mr Wallace bother to whisper those two words - 'mea culpa' - that may have assuaged their anger? Of course not. Come to think of it, I am still recovering from his pronounciation of Bacalhau and Rendang, so perhaps 'I am sorry' would be preferable.
Anyway, instead of an apology, he chose to offer an 'explanation'. Apparently, what he meant was that the skin was not cooked. Which begs the question, why did he not use words like 'raw' or 'under cooked'?
Brings to mind Mark Twain's quote, 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.'
In an attempt to play Dec to Greg's Ant, Jon Torode tweeted something about Indonesian food and ended it with a breezy 'namaste'... and Malaysia erupted again!
Should've gone with 'salamat datang' John, google is just a click away.
Until next week, try and keep it light.
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