A lighter look at the news

The Duke of Edinburgh has surrendered his driving licence. This of course follows two incidents, the first of which was when he jumped a junction and collided with another car. 

Apparently, the sun was lying low and waiting to get him in the eye.

The other incident was a couple of weeks after the above accident, when he was seen driving without a seat belt. To be fair, this may have been the result of age-related forgetfulness rather than macho recklessness.

According to Buckingham Palace, his decision was reached after careful consideration and intense reflection. The reason for all this consideration and reflection apparently is that the Duke will solely miss the independence, possessing a driver's licence affords him.

Poor man, I do feel for him. One does feel the loss of independence when one has to lift one's finger to press a bell to summon one's chauffeur.  How very inconvenient for one.

Paul Hollywood's relationship with his 23 year old girlfriend Summer, seems to be getting quite serious. How serious? you might ask. About £845,000/- serious.  That is the amount he's paid to buy a house in Kent for them.

Summer must be delighted with her 53 year old boyfriend, Cake Cake. Don't blink, blink, that is indeed what she calls him.

Why, why?  Possibly because he is over twice her age, she wants to make sure that he hears her the first time. But that could just be me being cynical.

It is quite possible that she wants to express double the affection. In which case, what does Britain's top blue-eyed baker call his ex-barmaid girlfriend - Pint Pint?

Now this may just be rumours but Liam Payne is apparently having some sort of flirtation with Naomi Campbell.

I read somewhere that they are being called 'Laomi'. Sorry, some name combinations work and some don't. This one doesn't.

It sounds like lemon scented foam one might use in a bath.

I do have to wonder how Liam's ex, Cheryl whatever- her- surname- is- at- the- moment, feels about it. He is after all, her baby Bear's father.

God knows Naomi Campbell looks like she can take care of herself, nevertheless, a word of caution - try not to find yourself alone in a ladies' cloakroom with Mama Bear.....

Until next time, try and keep it light!

A lighter look at the week

Apparently, Bake Off's 52 year old Paul Hollywood is dating a woman 30 years his junior. Just to confirm, in case your Maths is not up to scratch, he is dating a 22 year old woman. 

Apparently, Mr. Blue Eyes met her at a pub where she worked as a barmaid and where he'd gone to arrange a surprise party for his then wife. 

I'm sure that wasn't the kind of 'surprise' his wife was looking forward to.  Nevertheless, let it be a lesson to all of us. 

If you know that your husband is arranging a surprise party (and you will always know, there isn't a man alive who is canny enough to pull off a surprise party for his wife without her knowing) make sure it is at your home, where trust worthy family and friends are involved - not 22 year old barmaids.

An added bonus is that you will be clued in and can work on your Oscar winning 'very pleasantly surprised' facial expression and reaction.

But then again, not many husbands are millionaire celebrity bakers  with piercing blue eyes, that manage to hypnotise 22 year old women, so you are probably safe in a pub or restaurant. Less tidying and washing up to do.

The one that (almost) got away.....

Very occasionally, I get bitten by the 'clean up' bug. I cannot emphasise the 'very' that preceded the occasionally. However, I did get bitten, which proved very unfortunate timing for the little potato (Steve McQueen) pictured above.

From what I can gather, Mr McQueen wasn't keen on ending up in one of my curries, casseroles or as a perfectly crisped up roast potato. So he forged a plan.

He retreated to the further-est corner in my vegetable cupboard and cooked up his Great Escape.

He grew appendages, although I am unsure whether he intended to morph into a spider or an octopus. Possibly the former, as there would be better opportunity to crawl out of my cupboard rather than swim out of it.

To cut a short story even shorter, Stevie Mac (as I affectionately called him during our 10 minute acquaintance), is now happily rotting in peace in my compost bin.

Talking of potato heads, Greg Wallace  has managed to annoy a whole nation and no, it's not Britain, he has been doing that to us for years. It's Malaysia.

Greg was scathing on MasterChef, while critiquing a Rendang cooked by a lady of Malaysian origin.

On the off chance that you reside under a rock and only come out to read my blog (I flatter myself) and you haven't heard of 'MasterChef', it is a cooking program on  TV. 

Participants jump through culinary hoops in a bid to win the 'MasterChef' title.

In Britain, there are two 'Judges', one is a chef called John Torode and the other....how can I put this politely - I can't, so I won't - is a glorified greengrocer called Greg Wallace.

As the show has gone from strength to strength, so has Mr. Wallace's ego and facial contortions.

Coming back to the incident that sparked a nation's fury,  a contestant cooked a Rendang (chicken - or any other meat - stewed in coconut milk and spices). Mr W took one bite and declared that the skin wasn't 'crispy'. 

Unfortunately, he did not stop there (he rarely does). He proceeded to chide her over the fact that he would like to taste the sauce but he couldn't, as all the sauce was on the skin.

Now, I am not a bad cook (if I do say so myself) but when I cook a Goan chicken curry (coconut milk and spices), it would take a miracle for the chicken to have crispy skin.

This is what I shouted at Mr. Wallace via the medium of television. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. The entire global Malaysian population, including the Malaysian Prime Minister, erupted on social media.

Did Mr Wallace bother to whisper those two words - 'mea culpa' - that may have assuaged their anger? Of course not. Come to think of it, I am still recovering from his pronounciation of Bacalhau and Rendang, so perhaps 'I am sorry' would be preferable.

Anyway, instead of an apology, he chose to offer an 'explanation'. Apparently, what he meant was that the skin was not cooked. Which begs the question, why did he not use words like 'raw' or 'under cooked'? 

Brings to mind Mark Twain's quote, 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.'

In an attempt to play Dec to Greg's Ant, Jon Torode tweeted something about Indonesian food and ended it with a breezy 'namaste'... and Malaysia erupted again!

Should've gone with 'salamat datang' John, google is just a click away.

Until next week, try and keep it light.

A lighter look at the news

True to his word - he can keep it when he chooses to - Tony Blair has decided to give his tuppence worth of unsolicited advice on Brexit. 

Personally, I think that Tony Blair trying to advise Britain on strategies to negotiate Brexit, is like a firefighter starting a fire and then rushing to put it out. Hail the hero!

Does he have a motive or is he just missing not being in the public eye? Perhaps he wants to be popular again. Impossible to imagine, I know, but he was popular a long, long time ago.

If that is the case, I have three words for Mr. Blair - Strictly Come Dancing. The show that fast tracks contestants on the road to popularity. Just ask Mr. Balls.

Of course TB could never replicate 'Gangnam Style' a la Balls - that will always belong to Mr. Balls but I can see him Salsa-ing to 'Despacito'.I do apologise for the mental image I have inflicted on you.

Come to think of it, I take back my suggestion. The thought of Tony Blair doing a rumba makes me slightly queasy.

From one favourite show to another - 'The Great British Bake Off'. To start with, I sulked and did not watch the first episode of the current series. I dug my heels in and vowed to not watch it this year.

No Mel, no Sue and no Mary- I thought that was most contrary. But then my sources (my girls) informed me that it was just as good on channel 4, so I threw loyalty to the wind and promptly caught up on demand 4 and have thoroughly enjoyed it since.

Unfortunately, there also appears to be a spin off - 'The Great British Fake Off'- starring Paul Hollywood, the baking world's very own George Clooney. Fifteen years ago, Paul Hollywood dressed as the Nazi character from the TV series 'allo,'allo' at a fancy dress party!

This appears to be reason enough for him to be pilloried by the media. He is very contrite and has apologised (unlike a certain ex-PM and Brexit). Also, there is the little detail that Paul Hollywood's grandfather fought the Nazis. I think it's doubly cruel since he doesn't have Mary Berry's delicate shoulder to cry on.

Tut, tut people, save your vitriol for the real white supremacists, not a celebrity baker!
Until next week, try and keep it light!🎈