Sorry that I haven't been posting 'The lighter news' for a couple of weeks (I flatter myself that some people actually read my blogs). I wasn't feeling very light and, truth be told, not feeling too light even now.
Since my last post, Theresa May has called for a snap election and typically, crackle and pop have followed. Apparently, she felt that she would be better able to negotiate Britain’s exit out of the EU if she had a strong and stable government. Nothing to do with the strong and stable lead of over 20 points the Tories are supposed to have had at the time.
Well, Theresa may or may not win and I may or may not stop making these silly may puns in this month of May and belatedly I realise you may have stopped reading this.
In my first ever post on Brexit, I remember mocking the word ‘Brexit’ - ‘it sounds like a bran remedy for constipation’ is what I wrote. At the time, I didn’t think that it could get any worse, but guess what? It just did. Yes, I give you ‘hard Brexit’.
Apparently, that is what you will get if you vote for Theresa May. And, surprise, surprise, if you want a ‘soft Brexit’, you should vote for Jeremy Corbyn. So, who on earth do people who are regular (yours truly included) vote for?
Also, if the Tories represent ‘hard Brexit’ and Labour represent ‘soft Brexit’ does that make UKIP ‘bunged up Brexit’ and the Lib Dems ‘runny Brexit’? I do apologise for getting carried away but blame it on the person who came up with the word Brexit in the first place.
In the meanwhile, guess who has decided to cash in and is bracing himself (he will need much bracing) for a comeback in an attempt to start an anti-Brexit movement. None other than Tony Blair.
The man is never short for words, so I won’t bother with most of what he said except that according to him, he is motivated, passionate and wants to reconnect with the people. He also says that he knows that he will get a bucket of wotsit poured all over him when he sticks his head out the door.
Awww, bless him for being so optimistic, using words like ‘reconnect’ and anticipating just one bucket of wotsit being poured over him. Well Mr. Blair, I suggest that, in preparation of the gallons of wotsits that will be poured over you, you wear a heavy duty Mac (Nicola Sturgeon could recommend a good one I am sure) before you poke your head out of the woodwork...oops, I mean door.
Talking of Ms.Sturgeon, on a visit to a Pre-school in Aberdeenshire,she said that only the SNP could stop Theresa May from having a free hand to do whatever she wants to do.
’We have got to make sure that there is a check on the Tories and that there is a strong opposition and strong voices for Scotland’. I am sure those 3 and 4 year olds were reverted. Whatever happened to ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’ or, before Ms. Sturgeon doest protest that it is too English, ‘Katie Morag’?’
In the meanwhile, the Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott was interviewed by Nick Ferrari on LBC Radio about proposed Police funding for 10,000 extra Police Officers and proceeded to make a right royal pig’s ear of it.
She has this rather distracting habit of rolling her eyeballs towards the ceiling (or the sky if outdoors) contemplatively, before and intermittently while, answering questions.
Since this was radio, I can only imagine that she did her upward gaze but as there was nothing to contemplate, since she didn’t have the answer, she desperately plucked one from thin air, coming up with the ridiculous sum of £300,000, thereby rewarding our potential, hardworking Police Officers the grand annual sum of £30 a year.
Making another attempt at plucking from thin air, she then came up with £80 million. Once again, coming up with a slightly better, if still ridiculous, sum of £8,000 a year.
But that wasn’t the most shocking or hysterical part for me. I read this in a newspaper article (before listening to it online) which also proceeded to say that Jeremy Corbyn defended his former lover!
This made me do a Diane Abbott, my eyeballs, preceded by my eyebrows, shot upwards, but not contemplatively - I wouldn’t do that to my imagination.
Finally, while on a sad and reflective walk with a friend, this creature, for a brief second, brought some respite. Let me introduce you to the Robert de Niro of the bovine world!
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| "Are you lookin' at me?" |
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