Clean eating

I was thinking (I do that sometimes) that I do not know anyone who is Vegan.I know of Vegans but I am not personally acquainted with anyone one who follows a vegan lifestyle. I know some vegetarians, although some of them eat fish, which makes them Pescatarian of course. Calling themselves vegetarian while tucking into a fleshy haddock is a bit of a contradiction in terms but perhaps they are afraid that they may be mistaken for Presbyterian.

Not that there is anything wrong with being Presbyterian at all but perhaps they imagine placing an order in a restaurant, "I am Pescatarian, so please could I have a cod and a loaf of bread". The waiter shouts the order to the chef. "The Presbyterian lady wants a cod and a loaf of bread. The chef shouts back, "is she hoping to feed the whole restaurant?" 

One friend said to me that she calls herself vegetarian and not pescatarian because she doesn't want to sound pretentious. Actually it doesn't matter what you call yourself, once you restrict your diet on ethical grounds, you appear to be taking the moral high ground and the rest of us defensive apathetic humans (self-judgement is always harsh)are secretly, rightly or wrongly, going to think you are pretentious. Trying to dumb yourself down and calling yourself vegetarian while eating fish is terribly patronising. 

I remember the first time I heard of a vegan was  almost twenty years ago. Some friends were expecting a young lady from across the pond as a guest. I was told that she was vegan and that they had to find a supermarket that sold almond milk. Twenty years ago, almond milk wasn't a supermarket staple as it is now.

I learnt two things that day - that vegan wasn't short for vegetarian and that you could get 'milk' out of almonds! Now, I don't want to judge this young lady, I am sure she was perfectly lovely but I did think it was a bit of a cheek sending her lifestyle choices and requirements before her visit. If my friends visited her in turn, would she stock her fridge with steaks and dairy products I wonder? hmmmm...

Anyway, that was a long time ago. In the interim, for a select few, all that self deprivation seems to have led to restless dissatisfaction with being called just 'vegan'.  Perhaps it sounds too much like 'vegetarian' and they no longer want to be related to vegetarians; after all vegetarians have the luxury of drinking milk and wearing leather shoes. 

Also, heaven forbid, there are some pescatarians masquerading as vegetarians. So some vegans appear to have decided to elevate their moral high ground so that the lack of oxygen at that height has made them unable to see how insulting it is to the rest of us that they call themselves 'clean eaters'.

Unheard of fruits and powders have become 'super foods' and unqualified people have become food gurus -  a dangerous mix for the vulnerable and infinitely irritating to the not so vulnerable. The 'bandwagon' I've spoken about in previous posts, is getting overcrowded with all these clean eating 'gurus' and their followers. 

Lets hope someone slams the brakes on this particular bandwagon and all the 'pretentious' eaters (a much more suitable name I think) get thrown off. That way impressionable people will not feel tempted to swap their perfectly well balanced meals for chia seeds and spirulina smoothies.

You might wonder why I am ranting about clean eaters. Well, in addition to their smug, sometimes ill advised dietary tips, I think vulnerable people could get taken in and spend money they don't have, to follow a diet that may do them more harm than good. Unlike scientists and nutritionists with qualifications, a clean eater can offer tips and dietary advice that is completely misleading, and vulnerable people could get sucked in with misinformed optimism.

I was diagnosed with a life changing though not life threatening disease, I researched natural healing methods and  'clean eating' was offered as a possible way to go. First of all, there was a subtle implication that  I probably brought it on myself because I wasn't a clean eater (how dare they!) and second of all, isn't it bad enough and depressing enough to have a disease that no one on the planet can find a cure for, I now have to joylessly eat grass flavoured cardboard and most likely have no positive result.

Fortunately, I am cynical and older (just) and mature enough to dismiss this unqualified nonsense and get on with my life. But what if this had happened to me in my twenties. I can see myself spending loads of money on things I couldn't afford, on ingredients that would possibly make me miserable (I love my food) with no positive outcome. I think I am quite justified in calling this a rant.