I find statues fascinating. In my blog last week, I mentioned the woman who optimistically suggested that Michael Jackson's Ape, 'Bubbles' painting, could create a conversation. I firmly begged to differ. Rather than paintings by apes, I would say that statues (chiselled by human hands) could start a conversation.
Sometimes the conversation a statue starts is positive, sometimes it is negative and sometimes there is no conversation at all, just action. Who can forget the chappal smacking Saddam Hussein's statue got, after it was dramatically brought down.
A controversial statue usually begs the question, 'to keep or not to keep?' If that is the case, either way there are no winners. So, if there is a statue somewhere that annoys the hell out of you, don't start an ulcer inducing petition. I have the perfect answer - 'special' bird feed.
The recipe would entail mixing roughly crushed bran cereal and finely chopped prunes. Bring it altogether with a drop or two of detoxifying castor oil. Feed the birds within the vicinity of the statue, stand back (under an umbrella) and watch the fun.
The only drawback is, if it isn't raining and you are pointing at a statue and laughing, people will probably think you are odd. But trust me, it will be worth it.
If you have more money than sense, I would suggest that you do two things. First of all, contact me - I could do with a sponsor for my blog. Secondly, you might like to try the special ice cream cones sold at a prestigious store in London. I don't want to name the store but all I will say is that I don't think they 'sell fridges'.
Anyway, this store sells ice cream cones for £99:00! No, I did not press too hard on the number '9' key. It really costs ninety nine pounds. Apparently, one of its unique selling points (or, justification-for-the-price, points) is that it comes with a chocolate flake coated in gold.
Now, imagine if you buy this cone and you walk out of the store and someone bumps into you and the cone falls to the ground.
Worse still, imagine if there is a statue nearby that causes you immense vexation.
Now, I know I am asking you to stretch your imagination to surreal lengths, but imagine if a bird (freshly detoxified) swoops down and picks the gold plated chocolate flake, consumes it and perches on the head of the aforementioned statue.
It may result on a crown of shimmering, golden glory being bestowed on your much despised statue. So, if you have more money than sense, take the better of the two options and sponsor my blog!
While on the topic of statues, a man in Goa was arrested for desecrating crosses and other religious statues mainly in cemeteries. I looked it up and I have to say, I have never in all my years (not saying how many) seen someone charged with a crime, so delighted with himself.
He appeared to gleefully re-enact his crimes for the police, almost as if it was scripted. The alleged perpetrator's name? Francis Pereira. A conveniently Goan, not to mention Catholic, name. Goa apparently now has a patron saint as well as a sinner bearing the name 'Francis'.
There is widespread suspicion that he is not the perpetrator of this crime. The reason being that some of the damage done would take the strength of more than one man.
Well, to be fair, he could emulate the biblical strength of Samson (before Delilah tried her hand at hairdressing). However, the Catholic church in Goa is having none of it.
Their fact finding committee scrutinised and analysed the incidents in great detail and have found flaws. They have now asked for a probe by the Special Investigation Team (SIT) under the supervision of the High Court or the Supreme Court. Fingers 'crossed' justice will be served.
Finally, I would like to applaud Sam Carter. In the parlance of 16 to 18 year olds, you may well ask, 'Who that?' Truth be told, until six days ago, I didn't know who that was either. Well, let me enlighten you. He is the lead singer in a band called the Architects.
That is not the reason why I want to applaud him. The reason is that he stopped and ranted at a 'groper' at his concert. He later tweeted, 'there is no room for this at any kind of show.' Well done Mr Carter, your mother should be very proud.
Until next week, try and keep it light.
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